


Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket

by symer



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:06:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symer/pseuds/symer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fck you Michael.” He said tiredly. “The only reason why Luke knew first was because I confessed that I was in love with him while I was drunk.” Calum said exhausted.</p><p>Silence. That was the response to Calum’s admittance. He was tired of this too. Calum’s just been tired of a lot of things lately. Sometimes he feels that he needs to talk to someone, but then he thinks about his worries and thinks—why? He was well off his problems are nothing compared to other’s out there who are suffering. He felt he’d just be wasting their time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this is my first fic in this fandom. I just wanted to write a Calum pining story since all i've read so far is Luke pining. If you guys have any recs for a Calum pining fic please don't hesitate to send it my way. I do not have a beta-- so all mistakes are mine. I haven't actually proofread it either... yeah. i'll do that later. i just wanted to try posting while i had the time.

He was drunk and he knew it. He also knew that he wasn't supposed to be doing this. Last time this happened he had a "drunken rage" and the result was a scratch on his face. Ashton was the only one who witnessed everything. Ashton was the only one who heard his tirade, he was the only one to hear his hurt and see his tears that night. Michael and Luke had gone back to their room. Ashton saw the mess he became and tried to calm him down. It didn't work, but he was there. He held him when he couldn't hold it in anymore and bawled his eyes out. He needed that comfort now. He needed Ashton to stop him from doing what his drunken mind was thinking of. Ashton wasn't here though; he and Mikey were sharing a room. It was he and Luke alone in this big room. He knew he wasn't supposed to be doing this but when you’re drunk— your inhibitions are lowered and the truth comes out.  

Luke was sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard. He was on his phone typing away. He on the other hand was splayed on his bed staring at the ceiling. He wanted to get it out, this feeling. He wanted to just share it with someone, this was consuming. He turned his head and stared at the younger male. He got up and stood at the foot of the bed. He continued to stare at Luke but the blonde stayed undeterred and typed away on his cellular. He was sick of it. He crawled up and straddled him. He shifted and got comfortable on Luke's lap, waiting for him to be noticed. After a few seconds the lead singer finally looked up. 

 "You're drunk." He said chuckling. 

"I am," Calum confirmed with his thousand-watt smile. "But Lukey— Lukey I have to tell you something! And you're not paying attention."

"What is it?" The blonde asked. He put his phone down on their nightstand and placed both hands on the older male's waist to steady him. "There you have me. Stop moving you're going to fall over and get another scratch."

"I wish you wouldn't tease." The brunette said, pouting. He placed both hands on the light haired man’s stomach and felt his muscles clench. 

“Huh?” the blonde said baffled. 

He looked at his hands on the younger man’s stomach and had the strongest urge to stay— just to stay in this moment for a while longer. He didn’t want any more words spoken. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay in this position with Luke’s hands on his waist anchoring him, but he was drunk and emotional. He felt like he was outside of his body watching this disaster unraveling. Yeah, actually this was like that scene in Mean Girls where Cady had that “word vomit” moment with Aaron Samuels. He actually wishes this, what was about to happen, was real vomit; instead of what was about to come out of his mouth next. 

“I like you, A LOT. I may even love you. I mean I do love you, but I also think that I might be in love with you. And I know you don’t feel the same and that’s okay.  Wait— no it’s not. Because— because it hurts. A—and you’re always on your phone and I’m always wondering who it is you're talking to. We met that Bea girl two weeks ago and everyone, I mean EVERYONE, knows she has a massive crush on you. I want— it hurts Luke. I’ve never been more lonely than when I’m with you. I feel your presence but emotionally I know I’m alone in this. I want you to feel the same. I’m not a romantic and my longest relationship was three months but I would try- I would give my all to make you happy. You drive me insane. Every time my eyes land on you my heart beats faster and my hands start to get sweaty. I want to be silent and just be able to appreciate the moment when we're close to each other, but on the other hand I want to climb the walls and scream at the top of my lungs. You bring me to heaven but can drag me to hell in a blink of an eye. Do you know what you do to me? Fuck, I should just be a fucking actor since you haven't caught on yet. Sometimes I just want to quit but you do something and I sink in deeper. Loving someone has never been so hard as loving you and you never made it easy. Everyday was a losing battle but I had so much faith that my love for you would muddle through. I've never felt more ashamed than I do now. I never want to give up. Ever since I met you I—“ Calum knew he was a mess, but he couldn’t stop. He was sobbing and hiccupping. He brought his sleeve-covered arms up and wiped his eyes and nose. Oh jees he was such an awful mess. 

As if the gravity of the situation finally clicked in his head, Calum froze. He gasped and noticed Luke’s hands were no longer on his waist. He scrambled off the younger man and ran out the door; in his haste he must have bumped against the hallway more than a couple of times. How their security team didn’t catch him running out? He will never know. He decided to head out of their hotel room and walk around the city a bit. He knew that if they found out he was out here by himself he’d be in big trouble but he didn’t particularly care about anything at the moment. They were in San Francisco. They had just finished a performance a few hours ago in San Jose and they had a bit of a celebration back in their hotel room. Look what that resulted into. He was starting to become sober and he was in a foreign city. This was not turning out well for him. He had fun tonight, the crowd was wild and everything was ruined because he was an emotional wreck. He should have roomed with Mikey or Ash instead.

During in an interview in Tennessee? Dallas? He doesn't remember... He remembers an interviewer asking about the scratch he got in his drunken rage and he remembers Ashton telling them to be honest. He remembers Ashton saying that it was Luke that attacked him. He knows it was a joke but he and Ash know the truth— Luke might not have attacked him physically but he was the reason for that injury. 

He shot Ashton a text saying he was out and that he would be fine. Immediately after the read receipt pops on his screen a phone call followed. He didn't answer. Instead when the call went to his voicemail he shot another text to the older man mentioning his lack of interest in communication at the moment and that he was sorry. He was very, very sorry. 

Outside of their hotel room was a huge space called Union Square. It had greenery but there was mostly concrete. It was huge; the four corners of the square had stairs for the entrances on all four corners and in the center stood a massive pillar. 

"That's so stupid why call it a square when it's rectangle." The young man said under his breath. Yeah, he was being a particular asshole at the moment but he really didn't care.

He decided to just sit there and hangout until his head cleared. Then maybe he’ll knock on the other guys’ room and sleep there. He was fortunate he had his phone in his pocket. He takes it out and sends a text to Ash asking to stay in their room later; out of the two men he was the one that was most likely awake. He walked towards the corner of the Square and stood in front of a low slab made of concrete. On the concrete was a Huge Heart with beautiful designs drawn on it. He wanted to break it, make it look like his broken heart.

“Seriously?” he muttered under his breath. “Ugh. That was just lame." He continued raising his hands in exasperation. "Make it look like my broken heart? Yeah, what a literal virtuoso you are Calum T Hood. A Plus for creativity, NOT! I bet that's why he doesn't like you back." He continued to mumble while pacing from left to right. 

He sat down, bent over, put his forehead on his hands, and closed his eyes. He can’t believe what a massive idiot he’s been this morning and the day barely started. It was 1AM he really should be inside his and Luke’s hotel room sleeping, they had an early flight to catch later. He can’t make himself get up though. He doesn’t want to be in the same room as the younger man. It would be too awkward and suffocating. He can already feel the tension and he’s not even in the building. Again, he’s life is a fcking mess and he was the one to blame.

“Aye kid, are you okay?” he heard someone ask.

“Please leave me alone.” He replied without looking up.

“I really can’t do that kid. It’s pretty late, and you’re by yourself. You’re looking pretty vulnerable right now. You’re putting yourself out there easily. You’re the perfect victim right about now.” The stranger responded.

As the stranger continued to inform him of the dangers, he was starting to get a bit irritated. He knows the stranger means well. Maybe—probably, fuck. Shit.  Yeah he should check to whom it was he was talking to and to tell them to kindly fuck off. He looked up and lo and behold—of course, he’s early morning fuck up just got worse.

“Look officer, I understand you’re worried and I’m sorry. Maybe I look suspicious but I’m not. I’m just a normal male who just got their heart broken because there is nothing special about me.” He said sighing.

He was fucked. The air smelled of Thai he hoped that was what the police officer was smelling and not the alcohol. Yeah, no— he sees the scrunching and the realization dawned unto the officer’s eyes. Wait— let him correct himself. He’s royally fucked. They’re going to be pissed when they have to bail him out of jail.

“Okay kid. I hear you. I’ve been there. We all have but don’t wallow in self pity and liquor next time okay? Where you staying at? I’ll drive you there. Are you here on vacation? I hear the accent. You from Europe or something?” the officer inquired.

“No, sir. I’m from Australia. I’m here with my mates and minders. And I’m staying at a hotel less than a quarter of a kilometer from here.” He replied pointing at the general direction of the hotel building they were staying at.

“Come on kid, I’ll give you a ride. You can tell me all about Australia, my niece loved Nemo. She’s in her twenties though but she loves it. I’ve wanted a vacation for a long time now. I might consider Australia if you make it good.” The cop said placing he’s hand on Calum’s back.

“Wait, you’re not going to arrest me?” he questioned the older man.

“Why do you want me to?” the cop asked guffawing.

“Well, no— but I’m inebriated and I’m underage.” He replied incredulous.

“Yeah. Well, don’t go announcing it to the world there kid.” He said patting his back. The cop waited for the younger man to get up and started to lead him to his vehicle that apparently was parked on the curb in front of where he was sitting.

“Wait, were you here the whole entire time?” he asked the officer.

“Yeah, kid. I was sitting in my car during my break and I hear you mumbling about your feelings.” The man in the uniform replied. “So, what’s her name and how’d she break your heart?” the older man asked getting into the driver side. Calum stayed standing and stared at the cop car in front of him. The officer put the passenger window down.

“Kid, get in.” The officer ordered.

He got into the passenger seat and proceeded to put his seat belt on.

“I’m not sure what the name of the hotel is but it’s just down that way.” He pointed down the street.

“Alright, that’s fine there’s only one hotel in that block. So, you didn’t answer my question.” The officer asked again while starting the car.

“He— She— She doesn’t feel the same way and we’re mates. I’m scared he— she won’t talk to me anymore. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he said stuttering. “I—maybe I should go back home. But then the other lads will be mad and disappointed. I can’t do that to them. I’ll just stick it out and maybe they’ll get tired of me too. Maybe they’ll replace me. Why doesn’t he love back? I mean—no, I wouldn’t want to force him to be with me. I wouldn’t do that. I just want him to be happy, but it hurts so much and I couldn’t stay in the same room when I just confessed, and he doesn’t feel the same way.” He said sobbing. “I can’t blame him. I mean look at me. I’m a mess.” He wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeves. 

“Look kid, I’m not going to offer you some sage advice okay. I’m thirty-eight and I’m no better than you with this whole thing but what I can tell you is that I’ve been there before. I’ve had regrets and the root of most of them is not taking action. You told him, that’s all that matters. At least now you know, you can move on. And mind you kid, I’m not saying that flippantly.” He said pulling up in front of the hotel building. He stops and shifts his gear to park. He turns to Calum and says, “It wont be as easy as saying it but at least now you know it won’t work out with him. Move on, kid. Find someone who will love you and appreciate you but is also in love with you.” He patted Calum on the head. “It must be confusing. I wouldn’t know I’m married to my wife, but being rejected and realizing that you’re in love with someone with the same sex. Sorry, kid. I hope I’m not being an insensitive dick by saying that. If you love someone, you love them that’s all that should matter. You’re friends wouldn’t hate you or they shouldn’t at least. If they do, they really weren’t your friends in the first place. Now go on kid. Get some sleep. There is always tomorrow.”

Calum takes off his seatbelt and thanks the cop. He opens the door and gets out. He thanks the cop again but before he closes the door he says, “Officer, can I get your number?”

“Look kid, when I said look for someone else— I,” the cop said awkwardly.

“Oh no. No.” the younger man laughed. “My mates and I, we travel a lot. I was thinking next time we get back here I can thank you properly. Maybe I could buy you breakfast or something.” He said scratching the back of his head, chuckling.

“Yeah kid, that’s fine.” The cop agrees. Calum hands his phone over to the officer. The cop types his phone in and adds it into the contacts. “By the way kid, the name's Randy Urian and next time you’re over I’ll get my niece. She can tour you around.”

“Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll reach out next time. My name is Calum.” He answered.

“Well kid, good morning. Next time no alcohol alright?” the cop chuckled. 

“I gave you my name so you would stop calling me kid.” The singer pouted.

“Goodbye— Kid. Don’t forget alright, it gets better.” Randy said cackling.

He watched the cop pull off the curb and drive away. He proceeded to enter the building. He walked into the lobby then went straight to the elevator to get to his room. He wanted to bother Ashton and Mikey, he wanted to sleep in their room instead, but when he checked his phone it was three something in the morning. 

When he got to his and Luke's door he stood and stared at it for— okay, he doesn't even know for how long. He didn't open it until he felt his eyes drooping. He was scared of the upcoming confrontation but there was no avoiding it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where’d you go last night Calum?” Ashton asked. “you texted me that you left and when I tried to call you ignored it and replied with a text.”
> 
> The bassist didn’t even notice the older man walk towards them but there he was standing to his left. The drummer brought his hand up and held onto his arm gently. He finally took his eyes off the television and looked at his Rhythm Section partner in the eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry, I had no beta for this. if there are any mistakes they are my own. I live in northern California and there's a "storm" right now. Well, there is but not where I'm from at least.

He guesses his luck was finally turning up when he saw that along with his phone the key card was also in his pocket. He slid the keycard and turned the know slowly. He then opens the door carefully and peers inside before going in. The light was dim which means the only source of light for the room was probably the lamp on their nightstand. He walks passed the bathroom towards their bed in trepidation. He doesn’t really know what to expect. He knows Luke is kind and will probably accept him. He gets that now, but earlier his drunken addled mind couldn’t pick it up and he ran away like an idiot.

His worries were temporarily put to rest. Luke was asleep on his bed, wrapped up in his blanket like a burrito. The only thing sticking out was his hair and probably his face but he was facing the wall so he couldn’t see it. He wanted to see that stupidly handsome face. Calum sighed and brought his hand up to brush his hair back with his fingers. He went for his bag that was placed between his bed and the balcony doors. He took off his clothes haphazardly then grabbed trackies and a plain navy shirt. He put them on and sat down on his bed facing the balcony doors. He doesn’t know what to do. He knows tomorrow will be awkward and the tension will be palpable for all to see. He rests his elbows on his hands and bows his head.

“Fuck. I’m not going to sleep tonight.” He whispered.

He lifted the duvet and got under them. He crossed his fingers on his stomach outside of the covers and stared at the ceiling. He sighed once again. It’s going to be a long night.

Calum stared at the ceiling for goodness knows how long. He must have dozed off because by the time he opened his eyes the sun was out and he was no longer lying on his back but now on his side with the sunlight shining on his face. He got up with a quickness he didn’t know he possessed and looked at the other male occupying the room. He shuffled out of the bed hurriedly to not be caught by the blonde. In his haste, he fell out and landed between the two beds loudly. He landed on his stomach and whilst fighting to be freed from the blankets that were wrapped around him. In his distraction he did not notice the younger male being startled from sleep until he unbound his head and was staring at Luke’s gorgeous blue eyes.

“I’m fucked. You really do have lovely eyes.” Calum said breathless.

 "Calum." The blonde said frustrated. Calum stopped struggling with the blankets. Luke brought his hand up to his own head and pulled his hair back in exasperation. He then proceeded to lie down again. "We have to talk."

The raven-haired man slowly unraveled himself from his bindings and used it as a wrap instead. He hoped it would shield him from what was about to happen, but that was probably wishful thinking. He sat down and waited for the other to start talking but after a few minutes the other occupant still stayed silent.

"I'm listening." He said softly. He took note of the man lying down across from him; legs crossed at the ankles, one arm on his stomach, and the other covering his eyes. When he heard Calum talk he intertwined his fingers on his stomach and stared at the brunette. 

"Cal— you know we're friends and— " The lead singer started. He looked like he was in pain and the conversation hadn't even started yet. Calum didn't want to put him through this. He didn't want his feelings to cause anyone discomfort. It wasn't Luke's fault he liked him— in love with him. He didn't want this— whatever this was. 

"It's okay Luke don't worry about it. I was drunk and I'll get over it. Yeah?" The older male said attempting to say it in jest, but it came out with difficulty. It took a lot not to cry. He wanted to, oh boy did he really REALLY want to, but it would hurt more for the both of them if he did. Besides he can’t be selfish, it’s not just his life that will be affected. There was Mikey and Ashton to think about. They worked hard for this and gave up a lot to be here. What would they do if this disappears? What would he do? He was on a soccer scholarship in school, that’s what he was planning to do with his life before he was in the band. He just has to suck it up. He loved Mikey and Ash. They were his family too. This was always their dream. But sometimes he wonders if maybe they could find someone better. All he did was play the bass anyway, but he didn’t want to be separated with his lads. Maybe he could just help them with writing. He wouldn’t be with them as much but he’ll still be around. He would be in their lives but he would get the space he needed to get over this feeling.

"Hey, you know if I was interested like that it would be you, yeah?" The other boy said with a smile. Then quickly frowned. "Fuck, that was insensitive wasn't it? I'm sorry Calum." He immediately apologized. 

"It's alright. It doesn't matter. I'll go ahead and take a shower. I have some explaining to do to Ashton. I accidentally hung up on him... on purpose last night. He might be mad. I have to make it better." He said jokingly; however, it sounded a bit forced. He got up from where he was sat and dropped the duvet wrapped around him on his bed. He grabbed his bag from the other side of the bed and went straight to the bathroom. He shut the door and was immediately faced with a reflection of himself.

Calum has never been more thankful than today that he was tan. He had dark rings under his eyes yet it wasn’t noticeable. You had to be looking for it to actually see it. He observed himself in the mirror and wondered if anyone would ever be interested in him. He understands how the media implies that the band members were heartthrobs, but that was mostly Michael and Luke. The Rhythm Section doesn’t get much love, which is what Ashton always likes to say. There are fans though that love them; they really appreciate what they do. There are fans that love their vision— their art; however, they don’t really know him. He’s afraid that even they would run away if they did.

The band members were just passing fancies for most people. Yeah, of course, they love them now, but how about next year or the year after that? Everything changes and he hoped someone like Luke who laughs at all the stupid things he says and does. Someone who touches him gently and coddles his relentlessly would be able to love him. But he was wrong and he’s terrified that if someone like Luke wasn’t able to love him like that then who will? He wonders if anyone will.

He turns away from the mirror, no longer wanting to see the person staring back at him. He approaches the shower and turns it on to the temperature he wants. He strips off his clothes and hops in. He leans against the shower wall and lets the water wash away everything. He wishes it would wash away all his hurt and his imperfections. He grabbed a loofah, showered it with body wash, and proceeded to scrub himself clean. He did his arms, then his legs, and then went up to his chest. He rubbed and rubbed but it felt as if everything wasn’t washing away. He still felt inadequate and useless. He turned the temperature to a hotter setting and rubbed a little harder. He did this for who knows how long, but no matter how hard he scrubbed the feeling didn’t seem to disappear. He still felt so empty and rejected. Unknown to him tears started to fall from his eyes. He didn’t realize until a sob broke free from his throat. He quickly covered his mouth and rested his back on the wall. He slowly slid down to a sitting position and hugged his knees to his chest. He buried his head between his knees and continued to cry. He tried to muffle his sobs by biting his right knee. He stayed in that position even when the water started to turn cold. The only thing that got him out was when someone started knocking on the door.

“Hey queen bee when you comin’ out?” he heard Ashton say, muffled behind the door. He then heard a giggle and drumming on the door. He slowly got up not wanting Ashton to be suspicious. He didn’t want the awkward situation to affect the whole band. He grabbed onto the wall and pulled himself up. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel from the rack and started to wipe his body dry.

He chanced a look at the mirror before putting his clothes on and what he saw was raw irritated skin— his chest, stomach, and arms were red. He knew he couldn’t scrub the feeling away. It was still throbbing painfully in his chest. The dark thought of how useless and unwanted he was still threatening to consume him. He decided that a long sleeved pullover sweater would be the best option. He quickly put on his black skinny jeans and got into his sweater. It was a gray sweater with a smiley emoji in the front. If he was going to have to smile today then his shirt was going to do most of it. He grabbed his toiletries pouch and grabbed his hair wax. When he was done styling his hair, he put the wax back inside the pouch and rummaged for his toothbrush. He flinched when he felt a sharp sting in his ring finger. When he lifted his hand from the pouch, he saw that he had nicked his finger on something sharp and blood was flowing freely. He grabbed a Kleenex from the dispenser on top of the sink. He ran it under hot water and felt the cut sting even more. He knew it was time to be with the boys because in that moment he heard it. When he felt that sting he heard absolute silence and a reprieve from the pain. He turned off the water and covered his injured finger with the tissue. He quickly walked out of the bathroom and joined his band.

Luke was sat on the floor between his bed and the wall, rummaging in his bag. Mikey was sat on a chair placed against the next to the balcony doors eating Maccas. Ash on the other hand was giggling and attempting to make a snow angel on his bed.

“Finally! What took you so long? We’ve been here for twenty minutes.” Michael asked with a full mouth.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” The eldest chastised. “ Why are you squeezing your finger?” he turned asking the raven-haired man whilst sitting up.

“I was enjoying the water pressure Michael and I like showers. Ashton to answer your question, I nicked it with my razor when I was trying to find something.” Calum answered.

“That’s a lie and we all know it. You don’t own a razor. You don’t even have any body hair!” Michael jested.

The bassist gave the red haired man the finger while making his way towards his bed. Making a mental checklist, he started to gather things he left around the room. They had a flight in a few hours to LA. It was best he gets this done now.

They all broke out in laughter minus Calum, of course, and apparently Luke who seems to have gone in the bathroom to shower. After grabbing his phone off his bed and pocketing it, he was done. He sat on the bed and finally decided to pay attention to the two eldest members of the band.

“— you the one who turned off the TV? When I woke up it was off.” Michael asked Ashton.

“Yeah, you fell asleep and I just shut it off. You suggested the movie. I didn’t want to finish it without you.” The dirty blond said nonchalantly.

“You’re so sweet Ash.” Mikey said with a smile.

“Do you guys want me to leave? You know... so you can have the room to yourselves? Practice making babies maybe? Because it seems as if this epic love story is heading towards marriage anyway— you can start trying for babies now.” Calum said jokingly walking towards the TV to turn it on.

While making his way to the television he felt a pillow hit him behind the head. He didn’t react to the taunt. It’s barely been two hours since he awoke and he was already tired of smiling. He stood in front of the television and seemingly watched the news. He was lost in thought again. He can hear the muffled conversation of the other two members of the band in the background, but he can clearly hear all the negative comments again. They were persistent thoughts that cross his mind during inconvenient times.

_‘The Asian one sucks. He doesn’t even look like he knows how to play the bass. What the fuck? Why is he assigned to sing the high notes when he looks like he’s struggling. That’s so stupid. That dark one, he’s the ugliest in the band. He should just leave and then they can find someone else and 5SOS would be perfect.’_

He knows that he shouldn’t let them get to him but its hard. He remembers when they gave the same hate to Ash and that tore the elder boy up. The band had an awesome time trying to help Ash forget about all the hate. They hid their phones away and had fun playing video games. They did everything to forget for one day and to show Ashton that they loved him, but being on the other side of that situation. Finally experiencing how Ashton felt— he’s so proud of how strong the older man was— is, and he wishes he could be like that.

_‘What the hell was Calum thinking sending that snapchat to that bitch. Does he want them to lose their contract?’_

_‘He’s so stupid seriously?’_

_‘The other boys shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences for one stupid band members’ actions. They should just kick Calum out. They don’t need him.’_

_‘Calum hood is one selfish asshole. Didn’t he think about the other boys before he went ahead and decided to send that snapchat to another dumbass?’_

Those comments hurt the most. He did think about it. He was devastated when it happened and he apologized, profusely. He even offered to leave the band, but the other boys wouldn’t let him. He was just trying so hard at the time to cling to someone. He wanted to get over Luke and that girl messaged him for months everyday. She asked how he was and told him about her day. He honestly thought he could trust her and that night he sent that message— well, he was drunk.

Okay, he knows he really should stop drinking because he makes the stupidest mistakes when his inebriated. He just had to that night, Luke had kissed him and then quickly wiped his mouth after. Remembering that night still hurts.

He had another pillow chucked at him simultaneously as Ashton screamed, “Oi!”

“What?” Calum inquired without taking his eyes off the TV. He stared at the screen with his arms crossed on his chest. He has no idea what he was watching, but he’d rather look at the screen than his band members. He wanted to minimalize the lying as much as possible.

“We’ve been calling you for the last few minutes!” Ashton said exasperated.

“You alright mate?” Michael queried coming behind him. The guitarist encircled his arms around Cal and hugged him from behind. He rested his chin on the younger man’s shoulder and squeezed tight.

“I’m fine Mikey.” Calum replied bringing his hand up to comb it through Michael’s hair. He felt the older man squeeze him tighter and bury his nose in his neck.

“Love you Cal.” The guitarist whispered onto his neck.

Calum shivered. He loves this man. Michael to everyone, seemed tactless and rude. He can be, but that’s because he doesn’t ever want to hide behind a facade. He says what he thinks and damn the consequences. They’ve known each other for a long time. Mikey always tries to cheer him up when he’s down. He’s a great friend.

“Where’d you go right now Calum? Better yet where’d you go last night?” Ashton asked. “You texted me that you left and when I tried to call, you ignored it and replied with a text. Then you texted saying you’d knock and sleep in our room but you never came.”

The bassist didn’t even notice the older man walking towards them, but there he was standing to his left. The drummer brought his hand up and held onto his arm carefully. He finally took his eyes off the television and looked at his Rhythm Section partner in the eyes.

“I’m not mad. I was just worried. We know something’s wrong.” Ashton continued. “Tell us Calum. We’re a band, we’re best mates, and most of all we’re brothers. Please, trust us.”

“I know I can and I’m sorry for worrying you Ash. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just had to get some air for a few minutes.”

“You were gone for more than a few minutes Calum.” The eldest of the three replied.

“I know. I just had to get out and breathe. Please believe me, I wasn’t doing anything bad.” The youngest answered. “I just had to get out to clear my head.”

“But why? You were fine last night. Did something happen after we left?” Ashton questioned.

He looked down at the floor and hesitated. He opened his mouth only to close it right after. He felt so trapped. He needed to go. He wanted to leave but Michael’s hold was tight, he wouldn’t be able to get away. He needed relief from this. He needed silence.

He started to fidget, closing and opening his apprehended hand. It so happens that was the hand that received a cut earlier. He started to use his thumb to put pressure into the cut. He felt Ash squeeze his arm and pull him into a hug. He’s dislodged from the other man’s hold when Ash pulled him in but Mikey quickly returns to his spot behind him and encircled him in a hug once again. He settled his head on Ashton’s shoulder. The red haired man rested his head on Calum’s other shoulder rather than the one he was occupying previously because Ashton had his head buried in Calum’s neck there now. He felt Michael squeeze him to let him know he was there— that he could tell them anything, but before Calum could open his mouth, the bathroom door opened and out came Luke. He was rubbing his hair dry with a towel.

“Calum you took all the hot water. I had to wait for a bit in there.” He said. When he looked up he saw all three boys wrapped around each other. “Why didn’t you wait for me for cuddles?” he inquired with a pout.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all mistakes are mine. Happy New Year all!. 
> 
> Sorry, I've been stuck on Anime lately lol. 5SOS and Anime = my life, at the moment.

He sits next to Mikey in the plane. It wasn't a discussed decision between the four of them. It just so happens that Ashton pulls Luke to a seat next to him and Calum himself gravitated towards Michael. He wasn’t even sure if they were sitting on their assigned seats but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Luke and Ashton were sat behind them. He was so thankful that he couldn’t see the blonde at the moment. He and Michael didn’t even take their customary plane selfies this time around. He was usually the one to take out the camera and start snapping but he was scared that he’d see Luke in the background. He knows the flight was only an hour and a half but any amount of reprieve was nice.

Michael was busy on his phone. He had his headphones on and his right thumb was constantly scrolling through something. Calum raised the armrest between them and deposited his head on the red-haired man’s shoulder. He hooked his right arm with Mike’s left and intertwined their hands. The older of the two stopped he’s scrolling and took a peek at the younger man. He shook his shoulder to get the dark haired boy’s attention; however, all he got in response was a squeeze on the hand. Michael was worried. This was unusual behavior by his childhood friend. He rested his head on the other man’s head to show him that although Calum didn't want to talk about it, he was here.

Michael has known Calum for more than a decade. He knows his quirks and his habits. He knows how he loves and how much he cares. They have so many stories about their time together before the band started— about before Luke came into the story. He knew that Cal had wanted to be friends with the blonde.

He's not even sure anymore why he and Luke hated each other. He knows it was because of a girl, but he already disliked him even before all of that happened. If he really thinks about it he would maybe— finally admit that it was because of their bassist, but he's not going to admit to anything any time soon. Calum was well liked by everyone. Well, mostly everyone or no one really had a problem with him. He was kind to everyone. He was generous and so carefree. Everyone always goes on about Luke being innocent. Seriously? The guy has two older brothers— there is a very little amount of innocence left in Luke. Calum on the other hand was trusting and it always pissed off Mikey how Luke seemed to hover around them. He remembers the looks he used to send their way. He knows why Luke feels that way because back then every time he would look their way, he would put his arm over Calum’s shoulder and glare at the other boy.

The lads named him as the social butterfly of the group, Luke the most attractive, Ash was the nicest, and Calum was the most loyal. He saw how much his best friend reciprocated Luke's desire to be friends with the lead singer, but he didn't act on it because of him. He is grateful for it but he remembers— and none of them like to talk about it, but the reason Calum approached Luke was because Michael was wrapped up in a girl. Calum understood. Maybe his feelings were hurt but he understood and that was when he got the nerve to approach Luke and as they say— the rest was history.

The bassist was severely kind but he can definitely be callous when it comes to protecting the people he cares about. Unfortunately for him and everyone who loves him, he doesn't protect himself as well as he protects others. He leaves himself vulnerable that people take advantage of him. He knows how Calum can be a beacon to some people. He's experienced it. Ashton has and so has Luke. The Scottish man was this flickering light you just want to coddle. You want to take care of it and make sure it can shine on its own. Mali-Koa, Calum’s sister, nurtured that flickering brightness. They all did and for a bit, it shined as bright as them. Then that incident happened at the end of August.

Michael knows why management didn’t want him talking to the press about the situation. He knows why it was left to Ashton and Luke. It still pisses the guitarist off just thinking about it. He squeezed the raven-haired man’s hand again. He held on tighter and didn’t let go for the rest of the flight. He is still angry and up to this day it still infuriates him that he was not able to defend his best friend. He doesn’t want to feel like he has to filter anything out and besides whoever that person was they would have deserved the scathing words he had to say. This man whom he was holding onto at the moment deserved better. They all do. All they wanted was for people to hear their music, not be made into a circus.

The flight landed on time. When they got to the airport fans and paparazzi welcomed them. They were blinded by flashing lights and deafened by loud screams. Calum stuck to him like glue the whole time and if he were honest with himself, he’d admit that he loved it. It was like back in the day where it was just he and Calum. He loves Luke and Ashton don’t get him wrong; however, his relationship with the Kiwi was different.

The boys were herded and surrounded by security. They were able to meet some fans but not all like they used to. It’s crazy how things have changed, back then they would have been able to meet most if not all their fans but now they only meet a few. Their security gets really worried about them being mobbed and their fans getting hurt. They try to do all they can to keep them safe as well as the fans. It’s unfortunate that fan interaction was sacrificed because of it, but better to live another day and try again rather than never again. They were led to the van and the boys took their seat and got comfortable. They were stuck in traffic for about an hour and by the time they got to the hotel they just wanted to lie in bed.

Calum followed everywhere Michael went and that was how the room situation was resolved. They split up in pairs and went to their rooms. Michael watched Calum throw his bags on the side of his bed and take off his shoes. The bassist then proceeded to flip the blankets and got in under them. He faced the window and stared outside. Mikey, unlike his best friend, gently set his bags down and climbed behind the other man. He wrapped hi arms around him and placed his hand on his stomach. He rested his head on top of the others. Mikey started to rub Calum’s stomach in circular motion.

“Mate, what’s wrong?” he softly inquired.

The other man stayed silent. He continued to stare out the window and without knowing it tears had started to fall from his eyes. Calum only realized that he was crying when he started sniffling. He felt Michael bring him closer until they were back to chest, and even then he felt the older man squeezing him harder.

“Please don’t cry Calum. You hardly cry. I’m going to cry with you if you keep on going.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.” He replied between sobs.

“What’s wrong mate? Come on, you can tell me.” He asked. “We’ve known each other for so long. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“I’m fine Michael, really.” Calum replied trying to control his breathing. He placed his hand on top of the red haired man's and intertwined their hands on his stomach. He tried to scoot closer to the older man; even though there was no longer any space to occupy.

Mikey too, tried to pull him closer and rested his forehead on the back of Calum’s neck. “I’m here for you Calum, don’t forget that okay? I love you.” He said softly.

“I love you too Mikey.” The other boy replied while putting his free hand on the other’s bicep.

The two men stayed in the same position for quite a long time and before they knew it they were both asleep. Calum woke when he heard his phone’s notification ringer go off. He opened his eyes slowly and stretched. He sat up and looked at the other man occupying the bed. Michael was now on his back asleep, one arm on his stomach and his other was still on Calum’s waist. He figured that he was lying on the guitarist’s chest before he woke up and it’s the best sleep that Calum had in ages. He wishes he could just stay in this room and not go out. In here he was protected from all the hurt and pretending he had to do.

He laid back down and rested his head on Michael’s chest again. He hugged the other man and made himself comfortable. He hasn't felt this peaceful for a while. He hopes that this feeling will never leave him, but he knows that's not possible. Lately everything has been a struggle and he didn't know what to do. He'd been feeling so lost and the people he can confide to have been dwindling. The lads were getting caught up in their own thing, even his sister was out making a name for her self. He didn't want to be a burden but he needed them so much— so, so much and he wishes he wasn't so dependent. He's tried to distance himself. He hung out with different people. He hung out with all his other best mates but he always goes back to them. He always said yes if anyone called to go for an adventure, unless he had a prior engagements of course, he hated saying no. No means they'd find someone else— maybe someone better and replace him. 

When he said the cuddles were getting too intense he meant the dependency and the need he felt. Honestly, it was starting to seem unhealthy. He needed to step away and learn things by himself, but there's always this fear of being alone. When there was controversy over his naked pictures or how he defended his sister and the lads he hid behind a smile. He acted like none of it got through but the lads knew. They supported him. Yes, they made jokes but that's how you deal with it in the media. You can't act defensive or victimized because they'll pick on you even more. He acted calm and collected because he didn’t want to be a burden. It really hit him when the whole band said that he was helpless because it was true. He literally probably wouldn’t survive if the house were on fire. He would depend on the other boys to get out and he couldn’t fathom putting the other guys in danger because of him. He loves them for caring and being willing to risk their lives for him but he doesn’t want that either, not for him.

He’s phone rang again to notify him that he had a new message and he still had not read it.

 _‘I’m sorry.’_ it said

He stared at the message for a while unsure on what to take from it. He’s only ever trusted himself to a select few and once they were selected there was no changing it. He thought that maybe letting someone in would be nice and meeting this person was a relief. He came into Calum’s life in such an unusual way but he’s just glad he showed up at all.

 _‘For what? There’s nothing to be sorry about.’_ He replied. 

He then put his phone on silent mode and clutched it tightly on Mikey’s chest waiting for a reply. He wishes he wasn’t so dependent on people. There are many sleepless nights wishing he could be like Mikey, Ash, and Luke. Mikey who does not need anyone, Luke who attracted people, and Ash who knew what to do with himself.

_‘For not being what you need right now. For not being there. I miss you Cal. I would be there if I could.’_

The eighteen year old smiled and buried his face on his friend’s chest.

 _‘You know it’s fine. This is what we both chose to do right? How’s home?’_ He replied.

He wonders what the other man was doing. He hasn’t seen him since last month. They’ve been keeping their correspondence a secret, even the lads didn’t know. They’re suspicious and worried because of what happened in August but he knows it wont turn out like that. It’s not that he didn’t want to tell the other guys about his new friend, he does. It’s actually taking a lot in him to keep it a secret but things have been moving too fast and he just wants someone to himself for the moment. He needed someone to help him step away from this, but also understand where he was coming from.

_‘The sun is shining. Only a few weeks until we see each other.’_

_‘Yeah, I can’t wait.’_ Calum smiled. He knows. He’s been counting down the days too. He’s been waiting, he loves work but he loves his friends too and it’s great that he’s with his best mates on the road, but it’s been getting complicated with Luke lately. How he feels about the other man is starting to show. The smiles he gives him are starting to last longer, his fondness is showing, and the looks are starting to linger. Sooner or later not only Luke will know but everyone will too if he continues like this.

He hugged his red headed friend tighter. He felt his phone vibrate in his hand. He looked at the screen and his smile grew at what he read.

_‘I’ll teach you when we see each other. I still have the throwing knives my grandfather gave me, you can use those for now.’_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all mistakes are mine. i promise I'll edit all the chapters when I have time. I'm actually posting this while I'm at work. Lol.

\--FLASHBACK--

Calum's turning nineteen in the next year. Well if he really wanted to be specific in a couple of months really. They were in Los Angeles at the moment. It was the weekend of DerpCon and their two shows at the Forum. He was so excited. He literally did not know what to do with himself. He was just walking around at their hotel room level. He was sharing a room with Ashton this time around and the drummer went out. Mikey on the other hand was stuck in his room with Luke playing video games. He would've joined him but he was too distracted. Luke— Luke was in his and Ash's room sleeping in his bed. The tallest man in the band wanted to sleep; however, he couldn't due to Michael's continually rising volume when playing. Calum would stay and sleep with Luke but he probably wouldn't do a lot of sleeping. He'd probably just stay awake and stare at the other man. Then Luke would wake up and find out how much of a freak he was. Please, don't get him wrong they don't discriminate. You can love whoever you want but the person Calum was in like with is his best friend, whom he was in a band with. So, they work together and their career depends on the wonderful bond they have that they also share with two other awesome dudes. Hence, if shit happens to them then it affects the other two in their band. Not only that but they are surrounded by people and media most of the time. Anything that happens in the band, if anyone finds out, will spread like wildfire in the Internet.

The negative thought continued to circulate through his mind while he paced back and forth in the hallways. He sighed and pushed his hair back with his fingers.

"Ugh. This is so frustrating." He muttered.

After a bit the young man leaned against the hallway wall and slid to sit down. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them closer with his left arm. He then rested his left cheek on them and played with the carpet with his free hand. His thoughts continued to wander and wondered what someone would think if they caught him like this.

He outlined circles on the carpet with his index finger and did this for a bit. He was only taken out of his reverie when he heard a cellular ring. He brought his head up and thought someone was coming down the hallway but when he looked on both sides the halls were still empty. He then saw a phone with its screen flashing on the floor two meters from where he was sat. The singer slowly got up and made his way to the phone. He picked it up and saw random numbers. He picked up the call and answered.

"Hello." He answered meekly.

"Hey, we're you the one that picked up my cell?" The gentleman on the other line asked.

"Uh, yeah. It was on the hallway floor at my hotel. If you want I can just drop it at the front desk for you to pick up." He informed the stranger.

"Is it fine if I get it from you? I probably dropped it on the way out. I'm on my way up right now. You're staying in one of the suites yeah?" The other inquired.

"Um... Maybe?" Calum said I slowly. He wasn't sure if it was safe for him to disclose that kind of information. He should grab one of their security guys just in case.

The man on the phone laughed boisterously. "Don't worry. I'm not a murderer or anything." The other assured.

"Yeah, how can I be sure? I don't even know you." The bassist replied.

"You'll have to see for yourself." The man said mysteriously.

"I'm about to be on the same level."

"Wait!" The singer shrieked.

Calum started to run around not knowing what to do. It's probably not anyone in the media; he reckons the hotel would do a better job than that to keep them out. He's not scared of strangers— okay, maybe a little. Also, he really didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment. This was the reason why he was out here because he wanted to be alone. He was in front of his room pacing opening the door and closing it when he heard a chuckle near him.

"It's you then, you found my phone?" The stranger said amused.

"It's you. Uhmm... Yeah, hi." He said awkwardly.

He fished the phone out of his back pocket and handed it to the other man. He crossed his arms across his chest and stood awkwardly in front of the other man.

"Hey, thanks by the way."

"Welcome." Calum said softly."How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see you lose your mind about what to do." The man said chuckling.

"Uh yeah. I thought you could've been an axe murderer. I didn't know you were Thor's brother." He replied refusing to look at the other in the eyes.

The other man laughed. "I didn't know my brother was a Norse God, but you can call me Liam."

"Oh. I meant the movie. The marvel one— not in real life, I don't actually think he's the superhero. I'm not crazy." Calum said embarrassed.

"I know." The actor said.

The two men stopped taking and everything was quiet for a bit. The bassist still refused to look up at the other man. The actor on the other hand took in the other man. He thought the singer was adorable. He was flushed and his hair was in disarray, probably from pushing back so much. He found the other man endearing and had an urge to get to know him more if it was possible.

'Well, they said you’d never know until you try.' The hunger games actor thought.

When Liam was about to speak his phone started to ring. He mouthed hold on to the other man but saw the he still wasn't looking at him.

"Hello."

The taller male listened to his PA giving him instructions on today's plans. He nodded but realized his PA wouldn't see it so he started to give verbal acknowledgements instead. He kept his eyes on the man across from him though, and when he noticed the other man get uncomfortable, he didn't know what made him do it but his hand shot out and grabbed the other by the arm to stop him.

Calum's head shot up and he finally got a good look at the man in front of him. Seriously, movie and television screens do not give this man justice. He was handsome, that was the thought that kept circling in his head. He stared and stared. When he noticed the actors lips were moving he was enticed by them.

He felt the older man squeeze his arm that's when he realized that even though his lips were moving no sounds were coming out. Calum gave him a questioning look. He got an endearing look and a smile in reply.

Liam had to go and he's sorry. He knows what he's about to do will be rude to his PA but for some reason he couldn't let the other man go.

He cuts off his PA and says, "Alright so meet you at the lobby of the hotel then? I'll see you in a bit." He then hangs up and proceeds to stuff his phone in his pocket all without taking his eyes off the other man.

"Sorry about that. You probably do want to go, it's just I couldn't let you go without giving you a proper thanks." He said.

"No need mate." The member of 5SOS said. "I mean not that we're mates or anything but yeah— it's alright." He finished awkwardly.

"I'd like that." The older man said. "If we were mates that is." He continues with a smile. "Besides its always nice to meet new people specially if they're endearing as you."

The actor watched the younger man blush and look down.

"Uh— umm... Yeah, that'd be nice." Calum stuttered.

"Here give me your number and I'll shoot you a text. We can talk later, maybe hang out somewhere?" The actor asked.

"Okay." Calum agreed. He then gave the older man his number and heard the sent notification go off Liam's phone. His phone then vibrated in his pocket and he took it out to see a message from an unknown number.

"That's me. I just shot a text so you had my number too." He informed the bassist. "I have to go I'm sorry, but send me a text or call me anytime, and I'll call you when I can." The actor said while slowly walking away backwards. "Bye, I hope to see you soon."

Calum turned away and faced his room door. He got the key card out of his pocket and when he was about to go in. He heard the other man again.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to catch your name. What's your name?" Liam asked. He knew the other was in a band from back home but not who he was exactly.

"Calum. Calum Hood."

"Nice to meet you Calum. I'll see you later." The actor gave the bassist a big grin and turned around to jog back into the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus. I have just been having trouble with my job and i am now in the process of seeking for a new one. Any who-- i just got this done and wanted to port it up. I have not reread it. i'm sorry all mistakes are mine. If anyone wants to beta for me that'd be great. i don't like rereading my work. it feels weird. 
> 
> PS  
> i'm starting a new story. :)) 
> 
> PPS  
> i got into the show The 100 and i totally ship Bellamy/Murphy. 
> 
> \-----
> 
> 'Bold/Italics' - Liam Texting  
> 'Bold' - Calum Texting  
> 'Italics' - Thoughts

Calum was happy or whatever this emotion was, it felt close enough. His phone buzzed alerting him of a new message.

**_‘You should of seen her face when I showed her a picture of that spider I found when I last went back home but told her I found it in my new condo.’_ **

Calum chuckled at this man’s silliness. His smile widened as he typed out a reply.

**‘I bet she never wants to come over ever again.’**

**‘ _Yeah she said, she would never set foot in my apartment again. A bit of a shame really. I was going to cook up something nice for her. Her loss I guess.’_**

**‘You’re going to be so lonely then. Maybe you can just visit your brother and his family then rather than fessing up to your friends about that lie. I have a feelining she's going to murder you when she finds out'**

Calum locks his phone and looks around the dressing room while waiting for a reply. It’s rare but they’re by themselves. Mikey was on the sofa lounging haphazardly. He was on his phone as well, but occasionally he wound look his way. Ash was sitting down in front of the mirrors eating a banana. As for Luke he was sitting on the armchair sideways. His side rested on the back and his legs over the left arm. He was also on the phone.

He finds himself feeling nostalgic when he remembers when they used to run around and do peculiar things right before a performance. These past few weeks the band’s interaction with each other has been stilted and he feels that maybe he’s the one that started it all. He wants to get up and put on some music. He wants to grab Ash and play air guitar with him. Luke—Luke he just wants their old relationship back. He knows it’s his fault really. He’s usually Mr. Smiles and Mr. Cool-Headed but these feelings has got him messed up. He can’t be level headed when it comes to the blonde. These feelings consume him until there’s nothing left and he knows that it’s cliché; however, sometimes knowing something doesn’t change how you feel. Unfortunately for him, this situation just happens to be one of those times. He wonders sometimes how Luke must be feeling, since he’s distanced himself from him. In result from those thoughts he started to distance himself from Mikey and Ash too. He didn’t want anyone finding out the reason why he was ignoring the lead singer. He’d rather have them think he’s going through something than them finding out and hating him for something he couldn’t control. He guesses—he hopes it’s better this way.

Calum caught up in observing his band mates and thinking, jumps when his phone buzzes again.

**_‘Ah that’s always a wonderful thing. I love seeing my niece and nephews. And that’s alright mate, you can come over instead.’_ **

His face flares up. He lowers his head hoping Mikey doesn’t see the red staining his face. He smiles again—fingers flying across his phone to type out a reply.

**‘I’d like that, then you could teach me proper on how to defend myself with those knives you’re always on about.’**

When Liam first texted him, the bassist had decided to ignore them. It wasn’t his ego or anything. It was just—he found the actor attractive and at first thought it’d be a good idea to get to know him. He hoped maybe the older man would help get his mind off of Luke. Then he had to slap himself because wasn’t that awfully presumptuous of him—to think that Liam Hemsworth was interested in someone like him. He can’t even get he’s best mate to see his worth, what were his chances on one of the most popular actors in his generation of seeing it. Besides if he were to jump right in… it’d just be another complication to his fcked up situation that he didn’t want to add onto. It was bad enough.

Calum was hesitant to reply to texts he got from the man on the other line in the beginning and when he refused to reply after five days the older man resorted to calling him at around 11:30PM at night and 8AM without fail. He still remembers the day when he finally got fed up and answered.

\---FLASHBACK---

“What?! What could be so dire and important for you to be ringing me constantly? Honestly, do you know what time it is?” He answered exasperated.

“Yeah, I know it’s early. I’m sorry mate. I know it’s 8AM but I wanted to greet you a good morning. And other than the fact that I want to talk to you?” The actor asked mimicking the younger man in his decision not to greet him.

“Yes.” The raven said annoyed. “And with the way I woke up, it isn’t starting as a good morning.” He said with a sigh, covering his eyes with his left arm while the other continued to keep the phone pasted on his ear.

Calum usually wasn’t rude like this, really— his mom taught him better but he just didn’t get why the youngest Hemsworth was so insistent.

 _‘Great. I really do have a type.’_ He thought bitterly. _‘First name starts with an L? check. Last name starts with an H? check. Youngest in the family? Check.’_ He sighed. _‘I’m such a masochist.’_

“I want to get to know you.” The actor answered.

“Whatever for? We just met.” He said tiredly. He turned on his side, the phone now between the pillow and his ear. He looked at the across from his and realizes Ash was no longer occupying it.

“Exactly. Besides it’s nice to know someone else from Australia in the business.” The actor replied.

“Really, Mr. Hemsworth, I’m not that interesting. In fact I’m boring. I play the bass in a band, but other than that I’m just Calum. Now be honest why do you insist on getting in contact with me?” he inquired.

“It’s a compulsion I guess.” Liam said.

“You’re weird.” Calum whispered.

The other man chuckled as a reply and then says, “That’s not very nice Mr. Hood.”

“Ah. I-I’m sorry.” He says embarrassed. “I didn’t think you’d head me and I kind of got comfortable too fast.” He said hurriedly.

“That’s good.” The other replied. “Does that mean you’ll be responding to my texts from now on? I can’t always get away to make a call, so texts are more convenient.” Liam asked hopefully.

“I’m n— Okay, y-yeah, I think I will.”

\--- END FLASHBACK ---

**_‘I can teach you more than that Calum. If you let me.’_ **

**‘What more can you teach me?’** He texted with a smile on his countenance.

**_‘How to cook. How to not sit in a corner rocking back and forth during a fire? But definitely how to cook. I mean you can’t even make proper eggs.’_ **

Calum giggled after reading the reply.

‘Oh my god.’ He thought. ‘He’s watched past band interviews.’ Calum felt his cheeks heat up.

 **‘I can too make proper eggs and how do you know that’s what I’d do if there was a fire?’** He replied.

 ** _‘I had a gut feeling.’_** Liam replied

 _‘Of course you did.’_ Calum thought sarcastically.

 **‘Alright then. You can cook for me. You did say you owed me lunch because of last time right?’** Calum texted back with a grin.

\-----------

Michael watched Calum who was situated in the corner of the room. The younger man was on his phone profusely texting and smiling to himself. He’s been like this for a few days. If he were honest with himself he’d admit that it annoyed him a bit. He was used to Calum being on his phone but never this much. The lads and he were always able to divert his attention away from the thing, but these passed few days it’s been MIKEYASH&LUKE then there was CALUM&PHONE. He knows the other lads are miffed too. Don’t get him wrong—Ash, Luke, and he can distract themselves but Cal was—Cal was Cal. There was just no other way to describe him; just like if he were asked to describe the other two his answer would be the same—Luke was Luke and Ash was Ash.

He was on his phone too and so was Luke and Ash but the fore mentioned would sit in the vicinity near him. Calum on the other hand has been isolating himself. He doesn’t know what’s going on and he wanted to let things lie for a bit. He wanted his best friend to come to him and let him know what was wrong, but it’s been weeks and the bassist hasn’t said anything. He’s frustrated and usually he would tell Calum off but the younger man has been looking like a kick puppy for a bit now and as blunt as he is he isn’t that much of an asshole. He loves Calum. He wants to help him but how the fuck was he suppose to do that when the raven keeps avoiding all of them—avoiding him.

 _‘So much for that 10 year friendship huh Cal?’_ He thought bitterly.

Michael fed up, got up and decided to sit next to the younger man. He scoots close to him and rested his head on the other’s shoulder. He gently nudges Calum but the raven-haired man just continues texting. He nudges the younger man again and this time he gets a reaction. The bassist locks eyes with him and gives him that signature Calum Hood smile. The reaction sends warmth throughout Mikey’s body; however, before the older man can really revel in the attention he was shown the raven goes back to his phone again—annoyed the red head grabs the cell phone and swiftly gets up running towards Luke and Ash.

“Ash!” Michael screamed to get the drummer’s attention and when he saw the other look at him, his smile widens. “Catch!” He screeched. In his peripheral he can see Calum coming towards him and quickly throws the phone to the oldest in the band. Calum undeterred runs toward Ash and tries to retrieve his phone, but like Michael—“Huke!” He screams running around dodging the bassist’s attempt of capturing him.

“Huke!” Ash yells again when he fails to capture the youngest member’s attention. He sees the blonde give him a glare and he smirks. He throws the phone while screaming, “catch.” Luke not expecting an object to be thrown at him dodges instead and the phone hits the wall.

“Why? Why would you guys do that?”

“Come on Cal, we were just have a bit of fun. The three of us will pull in to get you a new one yeah?” Mikey says nonchalantly. “That’s fifty each lads.” He says looking at the other two members.

“What? How come I have to pay?”

“Mate technically it’s your fault. I meant we’re being nice for helping instead of you paying for the whole thing.”

“I wasn’t even a part of this. I was on the phone. Of course I wasn’t going to catch it specially with the minimal heads up Ash gave.”

“Those are lame excuses Luke.” Ash says teasing the lead singer.

“No it’s not.” Luke says defensively.

“Yes it is.” Mikey says sending a smirk to the youngest in the band. He just loves how people make it so easy sometimes.

Of course, with that Ash, Mikey, and Luke start to bicker about poor athleticism. Attention completely in each other they did not notice the raven slowly walking towards his broken phone. He kneels next to the wall and starts to gather the pieces. Unbeknownst to the tears falling down from his eyes.

 _‘How am I suppose to ward away the voices now.’_ Calum thought forlornly.

The other three still wrapped in their teasing didn’t notice the bassist until they heared sniffling. The three automatically ceases their bickering looking towards Calum on the floor by the wall picking up his phone and the broken pieces scattered around.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s rich coming from you Cal; specially, since we’re supposed to be best friends, yeah? Or is that no longer true and you're hiding that as well?” the red head asked upset.
> 
> “What the hell Mikey? I’m pissed yeah, but that doesn’t mean we’re no longer best mates.” The raven replied peeved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. i have not proofread this. It's midterms and i don't have time but i just wanted to post this up. 
> 
> all mistakes are mine.

Calum wasn’t talking to any of them. Well—he was but only when he needed to, like during gigs and in front of people. At the moment the bassist was keeping his distance from his band members. He doesn’t isolate himself in a room like Michael, leave to explore like Ash, or give you a death glare like Luke when he’s pissed. When Calum is mad at one of them he stays silent. He bottles everything in and just plain looks disappointed. And to the other three members of 5SOS, that is a look they never want to see on Calum. If he was sad they could at least try to comfort him but he’s mad at them and that takes a lot. Calum, who is usually calm during stressful situations and is usually angry on others’ behalf, is angry with them—they don’t know what to do. He’s been annoyed and irritated yes, but this was different. The raven was outside on their hotel room balcony, sitting on one of the lounge chairs, hunched over with his elbows on his knees. They were in America still, their almost done with their radio tour. They’d be heading to the UK in a week’s time.

Michael sighed. Here they were inside their hotel room. They’ve been inside the whole time! They aren’t even playing FIFA for goodness sakes. Ash, Luke, and he have been keeping their distance from their bassist. Because every time they get close, Calum’s eyes lands on them and you can just see the hurt flashing through. You see different emotions fly across those beautiful brown eyes. First he looks devastated and then disappointed, but he doesn’t say anything to them—oh no, he just stays quiet or answers them monosyllabically. It really just emphasizes how badly they have fcked up. They all get annoyed of each other. Of course they do, their four young men stuck together 8 months or more in a year. However, typically it’s Luke who throws the tantrums, Ash who’s usually grumpy, and he was overly blunt. Michael doesn’t like pulling punches. Calum, for sure, gets irritated but never truly angry, not with any them.

 _‘Its been three damn days.’_ He thought bitterly.

Their fourth member was STILL currently outside in their balcony, leaning against the rail staring at who knows what. Them? They were here sitting on the sofa with the television on. No body was watching—maybe Luke was watching. Ash was resting he’s head on the back of the sofa staring at the ceiling. Luke was on his phone and Michael was definitely not watching. Calum has been out there for TWO damn hours! His phone wasn’t even out.

‘Oh yeah, we broke it.’ The red head sighed. _‘What the hell is he staring at? Two hours out there, when he could be in here with us.’_ He thought grumpily.

“That’s It. I’m going out there and I’m going to talk to him.” He informed Luke and Ash, miffed.

“Yeah, you do that Michael, and when he turns those eyes on you—you’ll be back on this couch between me and Huke.” Ash said quietly.

“It’s just a phone!” the red head said annoyed.

“I don’t think it was the phone Mikey.” Ash replied finally lifting his head to look at him. “We all know he’s been talking to somebody lately, and you’ve seen how happy he’s been.”

“So what? This girl is more important than us?” Michael inquired angrily.

“I’m not s—“ Ash tried to say before he was cut off by their lead singer.

“Michael it’s probably not even a girl,” Luke replied distractedly.

The two older members of the band ceased their argument and stared at the youngest. Luke inadvertently revealing Calum’s secret froze.

“Fuck,” Luke swore looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“Don’t swear,” Ashton whispered and only due to habit.

Michael on the other hand, looked livid. He slowly got up and walked towards the balcony. Ashton and Luke stared after him wide eyed. Michael opened the balcony doors haphazardly and quickly slammed it closed. The bassist who has been sitting there since this morning jumped at the sudden intrusion. Michael walked in front of the younger boy. They saw mouths moving and hands gesticulating. Michael then grabs Calum by the wrist and the younger boy is trying to shake him off but can’t. The red head turns and starts to pull the bassist inside. He then drags him between the television and the sofa, right in front of the other two members. He then stands in front of the younger man with his arms crossed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked the raven.

“Tell you what Mikey? You keep ranting and saying all these things but you won’t tell me what?” Calum replied annoyed.

“That’s rich coming from you Cal; specially, since we’re supposed to be best friends, yeah? Or is that no longer true and you're hiding that as well?” the red head asked upset.

“What the hell Mikey? I’m pissed yeah, but that doesn’t mean we’re no longer best mates.” The raven replied peeved.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Michael asked distressed. “Why don’t you tell me anything anymore? Why did you tell Luke first? Why didn’t you feel like you can approach me with it?”

“Is that it Michael Gordon Clifford? A competition?” Calum asked perturbed.

“No, of course not! But you were mine first! We were best friends first. Why did you tell Luke and not me?” Michael shouted.

“I am no one’s property.” Calum said incensed.

The other two members of the band kept quiet as the other two argued. Ash and Luke's eyes widened when Calum started to look enraged. The bassist had the bottom of his sleeves in his hands. Ashton had noticed that lately Calum has had a bandage or two on his left hand. He’d asked a couple of times, but with the tension within the band lately, all the other man said was snapped bass strings. Ashton watched as Calum’s hand turned white from how hard he was clenching them.

 _‘This isn’t good, not very good at all,’_ the drummer thought.

The eldest looked to the youngest for help but he wouldn’t be getting any from him. Luke stared at the two with guilt. He knew this was his fault; even though, he unintentionally did it. He was just waiting for the ball to drop.

“Get off it Calum. Ever since you became friends with Luke you’ve done nothing but stick to him. What about me? I know I left before; I’ve apologized haven’t I? And you said it was okay. You promised it was okay. Are you still mad because of before? Because if you are then tell me?" Michael pleaded desperately. "Help me fix it! I don’t want to lose you. Please.” The red head begged. 

Calum didn’t know that the red head still carried guilt over leaving him in high school. The raven didn’t resent him. Of course not, he’s just glad Michael gave him time, and besides if he didn’t then he would not have become friends with Luke.

 ** _‘Maybe it’s better that way.’_** He’s mind supplied **. _‘If you think about it, it’s all Michael’s fault while you’re in pain. If he didn’t leave you then you wouldn’t have had to the chance to fall in love with Luke.’_ ** His inner demons chimed in harshly.

_‘Shut up. Shut up!’ He replied to the voice. ‘It’s not Mikey’s fault. It can’t be his fault. It’s mine, it’s because I’m worthless. It’s never his fault. Mikey is Mikey.’_

**_‘Mikey is Mikey.’_** The voiced mocked. **_‘You’re right you are worthless. You are a good for nothing. That’s why no one wants you. One day they’ll be done with you. You better enjoy these moments’_**

 _‘I know that already, stop reminding me all the time. It hur—‘_ he tried to answer but was interrupted by Michael.

“um—Calum! God, do you even care anymore? Do you even still want to be with us?” Michael asked quietly.

“Of course I do. I love you guys and I told you it was alright already, okay? I’m fine. I’m not mad at you—at any of you. And of course you won’t lose me Mikey. You’re my best friend, you all are.” Calum answered earnestly.

“Michael I think we should listen to Calum yeah? Before we say anything we all regret.” Ashton supplied.

The red head turns his head to look at the drummer to his left. He noticed that Luke, who was on his other side, stayed quiet the whole time.

“No, Ash. If he wasn’t mad, and we are okay like he says—then why does he keep ignoring and avoiding us. Why won’t he hang out with us anymore. He’s always on his phone and he’s been making excuses not to go out.” Michael says pointing at Calum. “And why didn’t he tell me he liked guys?" He screamed.

Calum froze. He felt his heart stop or at least he thought he did. His hands started to sweat and he felt his vision start to black out.

 _‘Fck. No. No. I can’t have a panic attack here.’_ Calum thought anxiously. _‘Hold your breath Calum. Hold your breath or shallow breaths—shallow. You’ve read about this.’_ He thought encouraging himself.

Everyone in the room stayed silent. Ashton swears he would be able to hear a pin drop if It did. Michael was still looking at him, panting. Ash turned his head to look at Luke, but the blonde was looking down playing with a loose thread at the hem of his shirt. The eldest then looked at Calum and he too was looking down. He was not moving and if Ash didn’t see how hard the bassist was clenching the hem of his sleeves—he could have been a statue. No one spoke for a while the drummer was unsure how long it lasted. In the end it was the raven that broke the silence.

Calum used to get panic attacks when he was younger. He still gets them and for a bit it stopped but as of late they’ve been happening for frequently. He’s read a lot about ways to stop one if he felt one come on, but most of the time there’s no stopping it. He’s just glad this isn’t one of those times. When he was able to gather himself, he felt his anger surge. He never thought Luke would do this to him.

“W-what?” he said quietly.

“You heard me. Luke slipped—

“Calum it was an accident. I sw—“ Luke interjected.

“Shut up Luke.” Michael said cutting the blonde off while giving him the sharpest glare in his arsenal. “If we were okay and back to how it was before like you said, then why didn’t you tell me?” The guitarist asked looking at his best friend.

Calum was furious. He hasn’t felt this angry since Mali promised to be at a soccer game but missed it because she was stuck somewhere due to drinking the night before. He didn’t know that she tried her hardest though. When he saw her exhausted half way though and heard her explanation after, it was only then that he felt better. But before all that—he felt betrayed and disappointed. He hated those feelings. He wished—he has just been wishing for too many things lately. He was tired.

“Fck you Michael.” He said tiredly. “The only reason why Luke knew first was because I confessed that I was in love with him while I was drunk.” Calum said exhausted.

Silence. That was the response to Calum’s admittance. He was tired of this too. Calum’s just been tired of a lot of things lately. Sometimes he feels that he needs to talk to someone, but then he thinks about his worries and thinks—why? He was well off his problems are nothing compared to other’s out there who are suffering. He felt he’d just be wasting their time.

“Well, if we’re done here boys.” Calum said grabbing his jacket on the armchair to his right. “I’m going to step out for a bit, please don’t wait up and don’t tell anyone where I’ve gone off to yeah? I promise I won’t get into any trouble and you know I keep my promises right?” he said quickly turning around before any of his tears fell.

The bassist left. He guesses he might as well go off to get his broken screen fixed,

 _‘Better there than here.’_ He thought. _‘Better anywhere but here. They’ll just be suffering if I’m around.’_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are mine.
> 
> \---------------------
> 
> 'Bold/Italics' - Liam Texting  
> 'Bold' - Calum Texting  
> 'Italics' - Thoughts

He finally got his screen fixed, and here he was hanging out at the lobby with his hood over his head. He probably looked like a weirdo and he was dragging one of their security personnel’s to sit with him here instead of relaxing in their respective rooms. Calum refused to go back to his room with the lads though. He was scared of what he would find. He wouldn't know what he would do if he over heard them rejecting his sexuality. He wasn’t even sure himself, to be honest; all he knew for sure was that he liked— loved— something— he felt something for Luke and it was in the more than as a best friend territory. He paced around the hallway. He didn't know where to go and what to do. He couldn't run to his sister, she was working on her dreams. He didn't want to bother her. He didn’t want to be a burden. 

 _' **They’re probably talking about how disgusting you are.** '_ The voice said. 

‘ _Shut up. Shut up. No, they are not. They’re my mates, they care about me._ ’ He argued with his demon.

 _' **Ashton and Michael are probably telling Luke how sorry they are that he has a freak like you crushing on him.** '_ The voice said. 

‘ _That’s not true.’ He defended weakly._

Calum started to pinch himself using his nails. He needed to feel physical pain. The thought that the lads— his mates were upstairs talking about how disgusting he was, how much of a freak he was— he needed to feel something else.

 ** _‘They’re probably talking about how to kick you out of the band. Or maybe when you go up— you’ll see your stuff in the living room with the room doors shut. Or maybe they’ll just leave it all outside or the suite door.’_** His demon taunted.

 _‘No! They want me here! They do care about me. They love me. I’m sure of it.’_ He said vehemently.

 ** _‘Yeah, keep telling yourself that freak.’_** His inner voice scoffed.

“lum— Calum. Hey Calum.”

He heard snapping and he shook his head and looked up at who was trying to gain his attention. It was Marc; the security that accompanied him, Marc who he was technically keeping hostage down here, since the man can’t leave without him.

“Sorry Marc.” He mumbled.

“It’s alright Cal. Come on, let’s go up. You look like you need some rest.” The older man said.

He got up and followed the larger man towards the elevator and while they waited for it to come down for them the bassist nervously played with the hems of his shirt.

“Hey Cal. You alright mate?”

“I’m fine.” He replied with a timid smile.

The elevator dinged and they got it. The raven fidgeted the entire way up to their floor. After a few minutes in the elevator it was time to get out and they walked towards his room with the lads. Calum was afraid. What if his things were outside? He felt like he was being forced to walk the plank.

He started to feel numb and his fingertips and his toes started to feel cold. One more left turn to a hallway and he’ll be out of the band. He felt a panic attack coming on and he started to regulate his breathing.

 _‘Oh fck. Fck. I think I’m about to be sick.’_ He thought.

 ** _‘Control yourself freak. If you don’t they’ll know how much of a fuck up you are.’_** His inner voice said annoyed.

Before Calum could drive himself crazy, he felt someone grab his shoulder. He flinched and stepped out of reach. He looked up and realized they were in front of his room with the lads. He looked at the door and his eyes darted down. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw no boxes on the floor.

Marc looked at him curiously and asked him to go in then bade him a good night; however, the man didn’t seem to be leaving until Calum went in. So, the bassist did the reasonable thing. He fished his key card out of his pocked and slid it through the scanner. He said bye and slowly opened the door. He then carefully closed it behind him and waited for ten minutes to pass before opening it again to back outside.

The bassist was conflicted. He decided to go down to the lobby to pass time. He ended up sitting at the bar. He couldn’t drink but at least, an older crowd would surround him. The chances of his getting recognized will be less likely. Time started to pass and yet he refused to go upstairs for some shut-eye, minutes turned to hours and next thing he knew the sun was up. He sighed forlornly and thought of the exhausting day ahead of him.

He decided to get up from his position when his alarm started to ring. He slowly headed up to the room he shared with Mikey to get ready. While on his way up he was not paying attention to where he was going. Calum was lost in his thoughts; he couldn’t fathom how he would look at his band mates today. Before he knew it he was in front of the elevators, the dark haired man pushed the up button and let out a loud sigh. He crossed his arms and kept his head down. When he heard the elevator ding, he looked up and walked in. When the doors were about to close someone shouted for him to hold the door. The eighteen year old shot his arm out to stop the elevator from closing. The elevator doors opened and someone ran inside.

“Hey man, thanks.”

The bassist kept his head down but nodded his head in response. Calum was in front of the elevator buttons leaning against the wall. He stuffed his hands in his pockets when he heard a thud to his left.

“Oh we’re going to the same floor. You’re in 5 seconds of summer right? I hope I’m not being rude. I mean we weren’t properly introduced last time.”

The Australian lifted his head and looked to his left. Jees, he must really be out of it if he didn’t even notice he was in the same elevator as Nick Jonas.

“Oh. Ah, that’s alright. Um, yeah, I’m the bassist in 5 seconds of summer. I’m Calum.” He replied quietly. He took his right hand out of his pocket and reached across to shake the other man’s hand.

“Man, are you guys ready for tonight?” the older singer inquired, sounding pumped.

The man seemed so excited. Calum figured the older man must be a morning person. He’s usually okay. Calum is more of an all day kind of person. Well, except when his days consisted with these feelings.

“Um, no. I— we have sound check later hopefully we’ll be ready when the show starts.” Calum answered awkwardly.

Nick smiled at the other man. “You’re different.” he said.

Calum looked at the older man quizzically.

‘ _Was that a good thing or a bad thing?_ ’ He asked himself. ‘ _Probably a bad thing._ ’ His thoughts concluded.

“It seems like we’re heading up to the same floor. You want to come to my room for some breakfast? I mean it’s room service but it’s food.” The ‘Jealous’ singer asked.

“I— was going to go get ready but yeah. Yes, I’m in no hurry to go to my room.” Calum answered.

“Why? What’s wrong with your room?” the older man queried.

“Nothing.” He replied softly.

When the elevator dinged signaling, the two occupants that they’ve reached their destination, the older man walked up to the bassist and placed his hand on his head. He ran his finger through his hair and told him to follow him. Nick stepped out first walking toward his room. Calum followed the singer when he passed his room he halted ad realized that the best move would be to take a shower first.

Nick heard the younger man utter an. “Um,” and stopped to turn back and look at him.

“I— N—Nick, is it okay if I took a shower first? I’m just going to take a quick shower and then I’ll be over— that is if you want to have me over still.” The bassist asked for permission tentatively.

“Yeah, of course. I’m on room 1507, just head on over when you’re done okay? I just want to feed you after holding the elevator for me earlier.” The singer said.

“I— yeah. I’ll be there.” Calum said while taking out his key card. “Oh um, is it okay if I get your number? Just in case I don’t get to go. Just in case we get herded out of the hotel before I get to you.” He asked.

“Yeah.” Nick approached the younger man and brought his hand out, “here give me your phone.” Calum fished his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it over. The youngest Jonas brother typed in his number and gave the phone back to Calum.

“Thanks Nick. I’ll let you know.” He smiled shyly, unlocked the door, and went inside.

When he the door shut, all his troubles came rushing back in again. He felt claustrophobic, like all of his problems were surrounding him and slowly suffocating him. The bassist held onto the wall. He felt faint. Yeah, he really was going to be sick this time around. He started to think that maybe his inner voice was right. What if his things are out in the living room? He deserves it, he knows he does, but what if they were all standing around there waiting to just let him know how gross he was. Before realizing it he had one hand wrapped around the knob and opened the door with a bang. He was going to set off on a run but did not anticipate Nick Jonas on the other side. They both crashed to the floor hard, with Calum on top of the older man. 

 _‘Great, another bruise.’_ He thought bitterly.

 ** _‘That’s because you’re such a clumsy fool.’_** The other voice supplied condescendingly.

He felt a hand on his lower back and he flinched at the contact. He tried to get away from the touch it made him look like a seal caught in a net.

“Hey, hey. It’s me.” Nick said.

The youngest Jonas gently caressed his cheek and whispered calming words to his ears. Nick held on so the younger man wouldn’t hurt them both with his flailing. It took a few minutes for Calum to calm down and when he did— oh boy.

"Oh um. I'm sorry." The younger of the two apologized embarrassed while trying to get up. 

"It's fine man. Don't worry about it." The other man replied. "It's probably those long limbs." He continued avoiding what happened after they both fell.

The bassist relaxed, he was thankful that Nick didn’t pursue the subject. Calum chuckled. "Yeah it's only been a couple of years. I'm still getting used to it."

"If you can't get your stuff you can borrow some of mine." Nick offered, after noticing the younger man’s weird reaction to going into his own room.

"Uh. Umm. I'm not trying to be rude okay? Really, I promise I’m not. But— umm… I'm taller than you?" Calum answered carefully. 

"Yeah, but you can just borrow underwear and a shirt. You can use your jeans again or something." Nick said in response. “I mean you’re probably going to get changed in the venue later anyway.”

"Ah, okay. Are you sure you don't mind? You hardly know me." The bassist said. 

"Yeah, it's fine come on. We can get to know each other during breakfast." Nick said while heading towards his room. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> i'm dissatisfied with this chapter. *sigh*   
> i don't know.   
> i'm just not sure about it. 
> 
>  
> 
> 'Bold/Italics' - Liam Texting  
> 'Bold' - Calum Texting  
> 'Italics' - Thoughts

Ashton Fletcher Irwin was pissed. There was no hiding it or denying it. He was stuck in the middle of his three band mates. Calum wasn't talking to anyone still— well he does when he has to— so no difference there. Luke kept his head down or was on his phone screen practically all the time now. Michael was the problematic one. He kept sending Calum these yearning looks and it's borderline pathetic really. He looks like a kicked kitten and Ash doesn't like cats but the way Mikey is acting— it's making him sympathize with the felines. 

It's been a trying three days. The three assholes have been staring at each other longingly. Ashton was so done. He was sharing rooms with Calum this time and he swears he’s never seen a man cry so much. Well, he hasn’t really seen Calum cry lately— it’s just he hears sniffles coming from his side of the room and he wasn’t that much of a dick to call him out on it. The raven has been so quiet lately. He was no longer that happy-go-lucky kid that they used to see and love— not that they won’t love Calum now because he was different, but Calum’s beautiful when he smiles. They all think so. His whole face lights up and it’s infectious. He doesn’t want this melancholic Calum permanently. It’s okay sometimes because, you know, we’re human we get sad sometimes. But to be constantly sad like how Calum’s been, no one should feel that way. He definitely doesn’t want to see the raven look so down, he’s one of the most extraordinary person he’s ever met.

So it’s been three days of smiling at the cameras, three days of forced joking around, and three days of acting. These past three days Ashton enjoyed being in front of the cameras specially because the boys acted like how they always were. It sounds weird but they were acting to be themselves? In front of the camera there was no problem to be discussed. There were no awkward silences; there were no stilted conversations, and most of all: no longing looks. They acted naturally. In front of the cameras their stupid fight didn’t matter. They were free to be them.

_‘It’s so stupid. Jees, why are they making this so complicated? It’s not like we don’t accept Calum for who he is! Why the fck up are we fighting?’_ Ash thought bitterly. _‘Mikey just needs to stop being a dick, Luke really needs to just apologize, and Cal— Cal, I wish he’d trust us more.’_

The drummer’s thoughts ended solemnly. He’s been curious about what’s been going on with their bassist, but everything’s been so fast paced and there’s just always something. He never thought that the kid would keep silent about his problems because when he and the other two members are problematic he would listen. He doesn’t necessarily give good advice, but he’s there. He was more of the quiet shoulder to cry on with open ears type of guy. Ash figured that Calum knew to come to them but apparently…

_‘He_ was _always the most conscientious out of all of us.’_ Ash thought while studying the bassist.

Ash was sitting on the couch with Mikey at the other end while Calum sat on the armchair to his left. Mikey was watching Luke run around putting last minute things in his carry on bag. Ash watched Calum watch himself twiddling his thumbs. The raven-haired man has kept his head down ever since “the incident” — is how Ash’s mind likes to dub it. That night Calum didn’t return when he left after their argument. Ash knows because Mikey stayed up all night waiting for the younger man. When Calum didn’t return by ten that night Michael stormed into his and Luke’s room. He raged and raged, asking them where Calum went, but of course none of them knew. The red head tired himself out by pacing all night (and they were tired watching him the whole time) and had about an hour of sleep— they all did. When morning came and their alarms went off Calum still wasn’t there. They all went to get ready for sound check, when they were all done they sat where they were now and waited.

He remembers when Calum finally walked in and how he was wearing a shirt that was a tad too big on him. He looked like he was freshly showered. Calum was trying to make less noise that he usually would and didn’t expect them to be waiting up for him. When he noticed them he stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Now that he thinks about it— the situation was a bit funny, but how they all felt back then wasn’t. He just remembers striding up to the raven then shoving him a bit hard on the shoulder due to worry and anger. Calum hardly moved because he grabbed onto the younger man’s shirt and pulled him into a hug. He remembers letting out a sigh of relief and fervently telling him to never do that again. Calum of course apologized profusely and promised them he didn’t do anything to embarrass the band. He kept saying he didn’t mean to be a burden and that he’d do better.

_‘Really, I don’t know what to do about it. Burden them? Embarrass the band? That’s not what it was! We were worried about him.’_ Ash thought upset.

Luke was finally done, or so he says, and they were in an awkward circle— well more like a parallelogram. Ash, Michael, and Calum were still sitting while Luke stood right across the bassist while between he and Mikey who were sitting at different ends of the couch. Three out of four of the band were leaving because someone _*cough*_ Michael _*cough*_ lost their passport. He’s stuck with these two while the other one is going to be by himself. In a way he’s glad it wasn’t Luke because that wouldn’t do at all— you know, their lead singer not being there. If it were an interview it’d be okay but a performance… Oh boy.

Though, he supposes it could be Calum that could stay behind but he shakes his head no. Calum was responsible, sensible? Sometimes. Responsible: yes. Besides, he wasn’t particularly keen on leaving Calum by himself lately. He’s seen Calum eat less than he usually does. He’s been very quiet and withdrawn. Ashton’s been worried and he would of liked to talk to Mikey or Luke about it, but the two butt-munchers are feeling too guilty to manage anything.

“U-Umm. C-can I have a moment with Mikey?” He hears Calum ask tentatively.

Ashton smiles widely and pulls Luke towards their room.

“Come on Huke, let’s go see if you forgot anything else.” He says grabbing the youngest by the arm. Luke knowing what Ash was trying to do follows without protest.

Mikey and Calum watched the eldest drag the youngest out of the room. When the coast was clear the two looked at each other and stared. The dark haired boy was first to look away by look down. The two men kept their mouths shut and the tension mounted until Calum felt like he was going to suffocate. This was a prime representation of that awkward silence that Ashton kept complaining about earlier.

“Cal, I’m sorry” Michael says at the same time as Calum whispers, “I’m sorry Michael.”

Michael laughs while Calum smiles. They look at each other again but the tension and awkwardness are not as palpable as before.

“I’ll miss you Mikey.” The raven whispered fidgeting.

Calum couldn’t look up. It was hard. He doesn’t want to leave the older man, especially since they haven’t really talked about what happened yet. He didn’t expect for Mikey’s passport to get lost and have the man be left behind in a foreign country by himself. They’ve all separated before but that was in pairs. This time Mikey was by himself and he knows they’ve grown up but last time they were both separated the older man couldn’t let go of him. Calum didn’t want to let him go either, but they both knew that duty calls and they didn’t want to let the fans down.

“You’ll be alright, right Mikey?” He asked.

“Yeah mate, I’ll miss you guys though— I’ll miss you.” Michael said trying to catch the younger man’s eyes but Calum kept his head down.

Michael stepped closer to the bassist and encircled him in a hug. “I’ll miss you Cal.” He whispered in the bassist’s ear. “Text me and call me yeah?”

“Everyday Mikey.” He replied, returning the red heads hug encircling his arms around the other man’s shoulder, while burying his face in the other’s neck.

The two continued to hug until Ashton interrupted them. “Alright guys, we have to go,” he said. He watched as the two separated but remained close to each other.

Even though Michael was not flying with them, he was coming to drop them off at the airport. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his boys before they leave and not see each other for three days.

The drive to the airport was a long one. Mikey and Calum sat next to each other while Ash sat next to Luke. The raven was asleep and his head was resting on Michael’s shoulder. Luke kept looking back at them longingly. Ashton rolled his eyes and sighed.

_‘Jees. This band, bunch of—‘ he thought but was cut off by Luke’s sigh._

“Just talk to him.” Ash whispered.

“I can’t. He probably hates me.” Luke said with a despondent tone.

“Well from what I remember from that disaster he’s in love with you.” Ash jokingly.

Luke looked at the other man and could not believe he said that.  He faced the front and dropped his head on the headrest.

“Too soon?” Ash asked softly. “Yeah. Sorry, sorry, yes of course too soon.”

When they got to the airport they all filed out and were lead to check in. After all the necessary things were done, the four boys looked at each other and were silent. They formed a square. Calum stayed quiet and kept his eyes on the floor because in front of him was Luke. Ashton was next to him and Michael was on his other side facing Ash.

“This sucks.” Michael says breaking the silence.

“Yeah.” Luke agrees.

“Well if someone didn’t forget their passport…” Ash jested.

“Shut up Ash.” Mikey said with a smile reaching over to give the drummer a light push on the chest.

“Aww come on guys. Three days and we’ll be back together again.” Ash said.

Ash put his arms around Calum and Luke and pulled them close. Calum put his arm around Michael and pulled him into the group hug. Luke put one of his arms on Ashton’s shoulder and the other on top of Calum’s around Michael’s waist. He felt the raven flinch but kept his arm there hoping the other man would relax after a few seconds. Calum did, he reveled in the presence of his mated and wished that time would freeze for a while; however, after a few minutes they’re being told that they had to go. They all reluctantly let go of each other and slowly stepped away. 

“We’ll see you soon Mikey.” Cal said walking towards his best friend. He then gave the guitarist a tentative kiss on the cheek. “I’ll text you when we land.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all mistakes are mine.  
> sorry again.
> 
> i'm slowly updating all my work.  
> and then i'm uploading another story.
> 
> I feel like i need to apologize.   
> i'm not satisfied with this chapter at all.

They’re going back. They were going to be reunited with Michael. There's going to be four of them again. He’s so fcking _ecstatic_ he has no words to really explain it. It’s not just the reunion; however, it’s the fact that he’ll have someone to feel his pain. It’s been an awkward few days, AGAIN. Honestly, Ashton just wants to go back to America. Don’t get him wrong he loves Europe but fck! These two dunderheads were dancing around each other and it was so frustrating to watch. One minute they can’t be separated and then all of a sudden they were using him as a boundary from each other. The annoying part is that when they use him as a wall they just stare longingly at each other. What the absolute fck?!

 _‘Fcking Michael.’_ He thought resentfully.

He’s never sworn this much in his head but that’s all he’s been doing. He’s just been switching between Michael and these two weirdoes with him. The curly haired man had finally lost his patience and finally fished his phone out of his pocket.

 **To Michael:**  
_I swear this better be the last time you lose your passport. I never want to go through this again Michael._

 **From Michael:**  
_Why? What’s going on?_

 **To Michael:**  
_Cake happened. They’re currently staring at each other and when one gets caught looking they look away. Oh, don’t get me started on the stilted conversations and the shy looks when they meet each other’s eyes._

 **From Michael:**  
_That’s disgustingly sweet! Tell them Cake has too much calories Ash! Oh and don’t let Luke take Calum. Go sit in the middle! If he’s not going to put a ring on it I don’t want him near Cal!_

 **To Michael:**  
_You’re not helping Michael._

 **From Michael:**  
_Do you hear me Ashton Fletcher Irwin! He needs to put a ring on that finger before he corrupts Calum!_

 **From Michael:**  
_Wait. I meant *read. Do you read me? No, that still sounds wrong doesn’t it? Did you read what I sent you? Yeah that’s it. Right?_

 **To Michael:**  
_Mikey shut up. We’re about to board in 10 mins. We’ll see you soon._

 **From Michael:**  
_Yeah. Safe flight bro, but you read what I sent you right?_

Ashton rolled his eyes. _‘Really, Michael? Yes, I read it.’_

He thought it was a bit weird that Michael was so adamant in protecting Calum’s virtue, when millions have already seen his dick through that leaked snapchat. But then again, Calum was so trusting that he sent— okay, now _he_ was feeling protective.

_‘Damn the feelings this kid brought up in people. He makes you feel protective and you just want to coddle him, but he’s so oblivious. It’s fcking dangerous really and he doesn’t even know it.’_

Ashton remembers the Liverpool interview. The three of them sat on a love seat, he remembers feeling like he was intruding. Something’s definitely changed, but he’s not sure if he should just leave it alone or help steer the situation to benefit the two sitting in front of him. The curly haired man knows there are consequences of trying to interfere with certain situations though. Sometimes things just have to run their course. And he’s stuck wondering if this was one of those. After contemplating some more about how he should approach the situation, he decided to throw it all in the wind and wing it. He got up and sat next to Calum.

“So, what are you guys talking about?” he asked casually.

Luke glared at him from the other side of Calum. The younger man really should check that grumpy morning thing, but then again Calum and Mikey have been saying that he himself tends to get grumpy a lot as well…

“We were just talking about—“ Calum tried to explain but was caught off by his phone ringing. A huge smile adorned his face and he looked at the two men next to him. “I’m sorry guys, I’ve been waiting for this call.” He says quickly then taps the answer button option before Ash could see who was calling.

Ash gave Luke a look and they both just listened to Calum’s conversation, waiting for the man to be done.

“Hello.” He answered with a smile.

Ashton can hear him smiling through his voice and his curiosity was piqued. Calum’s been on the phone with this person for a while now and they don’t know anything about them. He wants to know. He knows that they’re all entitled to a private life, but he doesn’t want a repeat of last time. In interviews they said everything was fine and he owned up to it, but Calum always does that— he tries to hide his hurt to reassure others. They laugh it off and poke fun, because no one really knows what to do when Calum feels down.

“—ee you. We fly home in a week.” The bassist says excited.

The drummer’s a bit surprised that it’s someone from back home. He relaxes and just observes the youngest member. Luke was looking at Calum intensely. Ashton can see the intensity in his stare; he wonders what the blonde was thinking.

“—u’ll fly over? Yeah?” The raven-haired mine says shyly.

 _‘Fly over?’_ Ash thought. _‘Wait, so who was he talking to?’_

The curly haired man looks at Luke again to see his reaction, and sees the youngest glaring at Calum.

 _‘Oh.’_ He thinks. _‘Is that the green eyed monster rearing it’s head?’_

He reaches over behind Calum, who was hunched forward, to tap the blonde. He doesn’t get Luke’s attention on the first try. It takes a couple of pinches for the lead singer to finally turn his eyes on him.

“What?” He says sharply.

Ashton lifts both arms up to show he didn’t mean anything bad about it. He just didn’t want Calum to see looking practically murderous whilst looking at the bassist’s phone, which was on Calum’s ear; since, he was talking to someone on the phone. And knowing how things could be misinterpreted sometimes…

Calum sitting between them, Ashton couldn’t really out right and ask Luke what was wrong. The older man mouthed why and mimed the long face. Luke gave the man the have you lost your mind stare.

Ashton sighed. _‘This band really needs to play more board games or something,’_ he thought.

He does it again, but the blonde still doesn’t get it. He’s thinking of doing it again, but he’s interrupted by Calum’s laugh.

“I’m not sure what I’ll be doing but we’ll be home for a while.” He says and then trails off to whisper. “You can stay at my house, I-I mean it you don’t mind it. I’m pretty sure my parent’s won’t mind.”

Calum leans back and rests his head on top of the backrest. The raven-haired man stares up at the ceiling and smiles. Ashton hasn’t seen that smile in days. Who ever this person was he’s racking up points from Ashton, but he’s not ready to give Calum to anyone yet. Besides youngin’ on the other side of Calum is still glaring. The drummer takes out his phone again and texts the blonde.

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

The blonde ignores the vibration in his pocket. Ashton sends it again.

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

Ashton looks up and sees that Luke still hasn’t checked his phone. Annoyed, the curly haired man decided to bombard the blonde with messages.

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

 **To Luke** :  
_Stop that._

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop that._

The next time Ashton looks up he finally sees the lead singer reach into his pocket to look at his phone. The drummer can see the blonde’s tight grip on his cell.

_‘Oh shit, I've made him angry.’_

He watches as Luke angrily taps his reply on his phone screen. He then feels his phone vibrate.

 **From Luke:**  
_Stop what?_

He contemplates about sugar coating the situation, but thinks that being straightforward would be a better suit for it. Luke as innocent as he may seem to the public eye is definitely more equipped of dealing with emotional situations such as these.

 **To Luke:**  
_Stop glaring daggers at Cal’s cellular. He might think you’re glaring at him. He’ll be sad again. Do you want that?_

He hears the blondes phone vibrate seconds after he sends the message and sees the anger disappear from his features. He sees the man start to tap his reply. While he waits, his eyes move to Calum who was still on the phone.

“—an’t wait. I’ll see you soon Yam.” The bassist says.

He spends a few more minutes saying goodbye and telling the person how he couldn’t wait to see them.

 _‘Jees, it’s like listening to a besotted girl from secondary school saying bye to their crush.’_ He thought fondly.

He shakes his head and appreciates the smile adorning the raven-haired man’s face. He’s just happy to see it on there. After a few minutes he takes his eyes of Calum, so he would not be caught staring. He notices that Luke was no longer tapping on his phone and that he too was watching Calum. He can see fondness in his eyes. They’ve all noticed that something’s been going on with their happy-go-lucky friend lately. Calum’s oblivious to everything though; while Luke is just unaware of his own feelings when everyone around both of them can clearly see it. No one wants to say anything. It wasn’t their place. Michael on the other hand was in denial. He’s known but refuses to acknowledge it. He doesn’t want to rock the boat fearing a little ripple would rip his best friend away from him forever. The drummer on the other hand is tired but just like Michael— he’s afraid. There were plenty of things at stake. He felt as if they were all walking on a road with hidden landmines, every decisions and step has to be precise or everything would blow up in their faces. And that’s not counting the ticking time bomb they have with them. He’s noticed how Calum’s been refusing to change around them lately. He hasn’t seen the younger man’s dick in ages and if you asked him he’d say that _he fcking misses it_. He feels his phone vibrate again alerting him of a new message.

 **From Luke:**  
_Never._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael looked up just in time as the raven-haired man dropped his towel on the floor.
> 
> “Ugh! Really asshole?! A little warning next time!” Michael screeched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a bad person. i'm sorry i did not proofread this again. i've been a busy stressed out mess for the past month. i'm trying and when i do find time, scouts honor i will proofread this whole shebang and edit it. :))
> 
>  
> 
> 'Bold/Italics' - Liam Texting  
> 'Bold' - Calum Texting  
> 'Italics' - Thoughts  
> *Bold* - action words - onomatopoeia

They were back and Mikey was so glad. Now, he can be a buffer between Luke and Calum. Ashton was right; something definitely has changed. He doesn’t know what it is because he was not with them, but it’s evident that Luke has finally connected his actions with what he was feeling. Everyone knew and everyone walked on eggshells around the issue to avoid a fall-out; however, it would seem that Luke was finally on the same page. Michael would be happy for his best friends, but Luke was acting weird and had started to distance himself. Mikey was worried but Calum was great at masking his feelings and insisted he was fine. 

Michael wanted to slap Luke over the head for this emotional rollercoaster ride he was taking the raven-haired man on, but Cal would get angry. He was counting down— there were only a few more days of this and they were homebound. He can see that his best friend was sick of the blond, even going so far as posting an instagram video about it. They all desperately needed a break. This tension was not good for any of them.

They had to attend the people’s choice award in a couple of days but tonight was the release of their LiveSOS album and it seems that it was Luke’s “ON-Day” as he and Ash liked to them. The blond was being attentive and caring towards the bassist. He notices how Calum lavishes in the attention that was being given to him, only to catch himself when he realizes that this attitude could change any second. He reckons he should talk to the younger man. He and Cal had that heartfelt farewell before they left for Europe and had not really talk about their falling out since then. They had both just acted as if everything was back to normal and that just wasn’t how he was. Michael liked to clear the air as much as possible; especially when the person he was having trouble with was someone he cared heaps for.

The red head decided that there was no time like today and left his room with Luke. He headed toward Ashton and Calum’s room. He knocked tentatively and waited for one of the two to open the door. After a minute had passed and there was still no answer Michael knocked again.

 _‘What the hell are they doing in there?’_ He thought annoyed.

The guitarist opted to take his phone out to pass the time because the rhythm section was taking forever. He knocked again. 

“Hold on! Sorry! Let. ***crash*** me ***crash*** just ***crash*** grab…” Calum yelled on the other side.

“—grab a towel!” The raven-haired man said enthusiastically while opening the door. “Ah. Hi Mikey!” He waved with one hand and held the towel around his waist with the other.

“Really Cal?” Michael asked exasperated.

“What?” The younger man inquired confused.

“You’re in a towel dumbass. What if it wasn’t me at the door?” Michael said irritated.

“Oh. Who else would it be? It couldn’t be employees at the hotel, they’d announce it yeah?” Calum replied nonchalantly leaving the door open for Mikey to follow him into the room.

The red head shut the door firmly. He dislikes how the younger man could be so callous about his safety at times. Especially right now when he was alone in a room by himself.

‘Seriously? I could’ve been a deranged person.’ Michael thought concerned.

“What’s up bro?” The bassist asked.

Michael looked up just in time as the raven-haired man dropped his towel on the floor.

“Ugh! Really asshole?! A little warning next time!” Michael screeched.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Calum shrugged.

“Fck you. Just cause I’ve seen it doesn’t mean I want to see it again and again.” Michael replied irritated.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t have this.” Calum said with a smirk.

“Fck you. I’m satisfied with my body thanks.” Michael replied taking a seat on the bed.

The older man no matter how much he was complaining at the moment about seeing his best friend’s naked body didn’t avert his eyes. He kept it on the olive skinned man in front of him. He can see the appeal in Calum. His best friend was sexy and if he swung that way he thinks he would definitely have tried to hit on Calum.

“You know that’s not what I meant Mikey.” Calum said sashaying towards the older man.

The guitarist fell back on the bed when the younger man started to lean into him. Michael laid flat on the bed while Calum hovered over him with one knee bent situated on the bed, between Michael’s thighs.

They both stared at each other intensely. Calum broke first and gave the other man a wide grin.

“Love you Mikey.” He said happily and then planted a big wet kiss on the red head’s left cheek.

“Ugh. Cal! I love you too, but gross. You got saliva all over me.”

“Shut up Michael. You enjoyed it.” Calum said grabbing gray boxer-briefs in his suitcase and swiftly putting them on. “So— what did you want to talk about?” he asked quietly, turning his head to give the red head a quick glance.

“I— Was it my fault?” Michael said looking at his twiddling hands.

“Was what your fault?” Calum said. Michael looked up and saw that the raven-haired man was done changing and was leaning on the desk positioned at the corner of the room next to the windows.

“If I hadn’t abandoned you a few years back because I was with— you wouldn’t have…“ Michael said softly.

“Mikey.” Calum said exasperated, looking at the older man as if he was a 5 year old. “Me falling for Luke isn’t your fault. It happens. It happened. There’s no taking it back, all I can do now is to move on.” Calum said looking away. “He doesn’t feel the same and I have to live with that.”

“Cal— seriously?” Michael asked amazed. The red head knew his best friend was oblivious but wow. He does get it though Luke was _so_ hot and cold.

“Yeah. Ash said that’s how love is, and I’m putting my trust in him, since this is the first time I’ve ever fallen in love. If this is love that is.” He said nonchalantly.

He pushed himself off the wall and started to pick up the clothes he left around his suitcase. He folded them carefully and packed them in again. Michael saw right through the façade. He knows that Calum was hurt and wanted to tell the raven-haired man that Luke felt the same, but he was just being a fickle asshole. But he held his tongue because that it, Luke was being a fickle asshole and he didn’t want to feed the bassist hope only for his heart to get crushed and stomped on when the blond changed his mind.

“Besides Luke and I isn't the main reason that you wanted to talk right?” Cal said looking back to spare him a smile.

He nodded but refused to talk for a bit. He watched Calum fold and pack all the clothes and zip up his suitcase.

“It was Michael and Calum way before it became Luke and Calum.” The red head said tired. “I feel like I’m being replaced and sometimes I fee like I have to do drastic shit just to get your attention.”

“Mikey. Stop. There’s no competition okay? You’re my best friend. I love you. Don’t ever doubt that— ever, but Luke— I’m in love with Luke.” He said vehemently, getting up from his position off the floor and walked towards the man on the bed. “You’re my best fried. You’re Michael Gordon Clifford and we’ve known each other for more than a decade. No one— as much as I love Ash and how in love I am with Luke— you’re you. I wish I was in love with you instead.”

“Fck Cal, don’t say shit like that. We’ve talked about this damnit.” Mikey said wiping his eyes. “Come here man.” He said pulling the younger man by the wrist and engulfing him in an embrace. “I wish you were in love with me instead too.”

“I’d fcking take care of you, make sure no one would hurt you. I’d be so good to you Cal.”

“Shut up Michael.” Calum said grinning. “If I knew you really felt that way and if I could choose, it would be you.”

“Yeah we’d be so good together.” Michael laughed. “Yeah, we’d have loads of fun won’t we?”

“Yeah we would.” Calum said with a smile.

Michael pulled the younger man to his chest and embraced him.

The two stayed in that same position for a while until Ashton came in to usher them into Michael and Luke’s room for breakfast. Ashton talked the whole entire time and Calum and Michael kept near each other the whole time. They had pancakes, bacon, toast with some vegemite and butter. They were also given some eggs and sausage. Michael loved food but his focus was on the youngest in the band and trying to gauge which mood the blond would be enacting.

The red head got his answer when the younger man “accidentally” sprayed tomato sauce across the table onto Calum’s gray shirt. Michael quickly grabbed a paper towel to help Calum wipe it off and didn’t notice their tallest band member getting up.

“It’s alright Michael, it’s definitely not going to come off. I’ll just drop by the room before the Target Prank to change.” Calum said.

Before Michael could nod in agreement he was cut off by their lead-singer.

“Here Cal.” Luke said handing the bassist his The Offspring shirt. “You can just wear one of mine. It saves time rather than having to go back.” Luke further explained eyes trained only on the raven haired-man.

Michael scowled at the blond. It seems that the youngest was "ON" today and their bassist was still too for in to resist. He watched his best friend look down and fiddled with the shirt that was handed to him. 

‘Same routine, different day.’ Michael thought rolling his eyes.

“I—Yeah.” Calum said blushing. “Thanks Lukey.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine. I have no time to really proofread anything, there's just been a lot going on with family and friends. It has not been a fun time. If someone wants to volunteer to be my beta that'd be great. 
> 
> Not much Luke in here. Sorry.  
> I updated Swept Away. Locker Serenade is probably next or I might upload my new story. Maybe.
> 
> Find me on Tmblr: cupcakemash

Calum and the other boys had left to go to Taylor Swift’s birthday party. Ash had decided to stay in instead. He was on the Internet and researching for his next adventure. They were off in a couple of days and he was excited. He wanted to take advantage of this break to see more of the world and that is exactly what he’s going to do— starting with his homeland. 

He was rooming with Calum this time around and all they’ve listened to is old school R&B. It’s been a fun and eventful few months, but it was not time to go back home. They were on break for the holidays then they’ll be back on the grind to work on their new album. The boys and he wanted to work on it to ensure that it won’t take as long as the last time.

He heard their front door slamming, stomping, and muttering heading his way. He figures that the Kiwi did not have a good time; however, Ashton was worried because no matter how pissed the olive-skinned boy was he never acted this way. He kept to himself and everyone knew when Calum was mad no matter how hard he tried to act as if everything was normal.

Ashton continued to surf the Internet and waited for the bassist to get to their bedroom— with two separate beds. It took a few more minutes and more thumping before the younger man got to the bed. He opened the door with a bang and kept his head down. He sat down on the side of his bed facing away from the longhaired blond. The Kiwi stayed quiet for a few minutes. Ashton refused to look up from his laptop to give Calum his privacy. They both stayed quiet and didn’t talk. The drummer doesn’t know how much time had passed, but he knows it’s been more than ten when Calum finally decided to lie down on his side facing away from his still.

The eldest of the band was fighting with himself on what to do. Ashton was conflicted. He didn’t know if he should get up and leave to give Calum time. He was deciding if he should call Michael to come in here when he heard a sob come from the younger man. He saw Calum try to muffle it with his sweater paws and that was when he decided to get up and comfort the raven-haired man himself. He got up, got onto the other bed, and crawled towards the bassist. He wrapped his arms around the bassist’s middle and embraced him from behind then pulled him towards his chest. Calum refused to move and remained curled up in a ball. Ashton held on tight and rested his forehead on Calum’s nape. He listened to the younger man cry and waited for the sobs to subside.

“What’s wrong Cally? You hardly cry.” Ash asked carefully.

The question caused the bassist to cry harder. Ashton patiently waited for the other to reply and hoped that Calum breathed because the way he was going…

“He ***hiccup*** kissed ***hiccup*** Austin Swift!” Calum exclaimed.

Ashton froze and couldn’t believe his ears. He knows that the two youngest member of their band have been dancing around each other, and it seemed that they were finally settling down to a decision. He doesn’t know what happened between the two of them. He definitely was not expecting this. He doesn’t know what to say, but apparently he didn’t have to say anything because Calum was ready to talk.

“He lied! He lied to me Ash because when I told him I loved him he said if he swung the same way it would be with me. And like an idiot I thought he was starting to! Do you remember Liverpool?!” He exclaimed, using one hand to wipe the tears away and the other to hold onto Ashton’s hands on his middle.

Ashton squeezed him for reassurance.

"Yeah. I remember,” The drummer said softly. “But that was our assumptions Calum— and you know he can't control who he likes, just like the way you fell in love with him yeah? There's just something about Austin that made Luke like him then—"

"Then that hurts even more Ash because that means it's me. That means I'm defective. I'm not good enough— that I can’t be what he needs.” Calum cried turning around to face the older man. He buried his face on the older man’s chest and clutched his shirt.

“Hey don’t speak like that.” The older man assuaged. He held him gently and rubbed his back. “That kiss probably meant nothing. I could kiss you right now and it won’t mean anything. ”

“Of course, it wont mean anything— no one would ever really be interested. It hurts so much Ash. First Luke didn’t love me back, but for a while I could escape from it because I had distractions and he never really had anyone. But what do I do now? If he gets with him it only proves that it’s me. I’m the problem. Luke probably realized it. I know you’re next too. You’ll leave me. Everyone does. Mali left to be in London because she had to get away from me. It’s probably because she doesn’t want to be associated with me. Why can’t I be as funny and outgoing like Mikey? Or be attractive and charismatic as you?” He wept.

“Hey you know I don’t mean it like that. You’re beautiful Calum, inside and out. I only said that because we’re friends. I’d never want to ruin anything we have. You’re a lovely person.” Ashton said vehemently.

He then hugged the other man close and rubbed his back reassuringly.

“I love you Cal.” He said sincerely.

Ashton pulled away from Calum and stared at the other man. The younger man refused to meet the older man’s eyes. Calum was so insecure about himself. He liked to show that he wasn’t worried about the world’s opinion, but he was probably the most sensitive out of the four. He liked to put a mask up to not let anyone or anything upset him, but they knew. They can tell when the ‘media-smile’ comes in.

He gently nudged the raven-haired man’s chin to get him to lift his head. Calum had been keeping his head down and eyes downcast lately. It was worrying. When the bassist brought his head up and stared at him, he caressed his cheeks gently. He wanted this man to know he was important— that he was loved. He stared into Calum’s chocolate brown eyes and before he knew it he was leaning towards the younger man. Their lips briefly touched and somewhere in his brain thought that wasn’t enough. He leaned in again to taste Calum’s lips. This time the kissed lingered and Ashton felt a shiver go down his spine. He licked the younger man’s lips and pulled away.

He kept his eyes closed and smiled to himself. When he opened his eyes. He saw the confused look that Calum’s face donned.

“Why did you do that? You don’t feel that way about me right? You said you felt nothing for me and all you see me as was a friend.” The younger man inquired.

“To show you that you’re loved. That someone does find you attractive.”

“So, that kiss— it was nothing?” The bassist asked softly.

“Yeah. Of course, it’s just that I felt bad and I wanted to show you that someone will, that if I’m willing to kiss you— then somewhere out there in the world will too.” The drummer said hurriedly while scratching the back of his head. “Fuck, that didn’t come out right did it? Cal—“

“So you did it because you felt bad.” The younger man released another sob as he saw the other man open his mouth to try to explain.

Calum sat up and looked at Ashton who was still lying down. The older man sat up and tried to reach for him but the bassist flinched.

 ** _‘Of course, it was out of pity. Who would ever want to kiss you? You’re fat and disgusting.’_** His inner demons chortled.

“No, I— it’s okay Ash I get it.” Calum wiped his eyes and gave the older man a watery smile. “I’m feeling a bit tired and I think all this” he said making a circular motion with his finger, “was crazy. I’m going to head to bed okay? But I’m going to crash with Mikey tonight. I promise we’re okay.”

Ashton was unable to verbally respond to the younger man. He just gave him a nod as acknowledgement and watched him leave the room. He brushed his hair back and crashed on the bed. The older man then proceeded to bang his head on the bed.

“Ashton you colossal nut, what did you just do?” He asked himself.

He stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t even sure Luke and Mikey were in their room at the moment. Actually he’s pretty sure Michael was in the room, but Luke on the other hand he wasn’t so sure about.

“Great, what I did was so bad. I chased him out of our room to escape to where his childhood friend and the guy he likes are staying. When he gets there and sees that the guy he likes isn’t there, he’s going to assume he’s probably out with that Austin guy. Took one step forward then went ten steps back. Good job me.” He whispered to himself. The drummer covered his eyes and let out a loud sigh.

\------------

Calum stepped out of his shared room with Ashton and walked towards Michael and Luke’s room. When he got to the front of their door, he didn’t knock right away. Instead he paced in an oval and tried to decide if he should go back or go inside. He wondered what his other two band members were doing. He’s actually not even sure if they were actually in there. He should of called Mikey before he walked here, but he had to leave at that moment. The situation with Ash was awkward and honestly what the older man said hurt. He knew that sometimes the drummer wasn’t really good with words. He knew that Ash didn’t mean it, but what was said hurt nonetheless.

 _'He’s probably brushing his teeth right now. He's probably disgusted that he had to kiss someone as ugly as me.'_ He thought. 

**_‘I bet Ashton is. He probably saw the rolls in your stomach. How many or those little sandwiches did you eat during the party?’_ **

‘I only took three bites! I didn’t even finish one!’ Calum argued weakly.

 ** _‘Three bites too much Calum! How is Luke suppose to love you when you look like you do?’_** Calum’s demon seethed.

Needing a distraction the bassist summed up the nerve to knock on the door. He knew Luke might be in there, so he’ll take the couch. He just needed to be away from Ash for a bit.

**_‘You’re such a bother. Look at this running to Michael again. He’s going to get tired of you.’_ **

‘No, he won’t. Mikey cares for me.’

 ** _‘No, Mikey cares for me.’_** The voice mocked. **_‘He feels bad for you. You’re annoying.’_**

Michael opened the door and watched the younger man. He saw the emotions flit through Calum’s face. The red head tried to call for him a few times, but the bassist was not paying attention. Michael tired of trying to get the raven-haired man’s attention grabbed by the shirt and pulled him inside.

“Wha- Michael, What are you doing?” Calum asked confused.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention dumbass. Why are you here?”

“O-oh. I’m sorry.” Calum said timidly. “I-um. I wanted—“ Calum tried to explain, but was unable to. Instead he looked up at his best friend and tried to convey his reasons with a look.

Michael looked at his best friend. His so glad that they had more than a decade under their belt, because if they didn’t he’d be looking at the other man like he was crazy right about now.

“Alright. Okay.” Michael said brushing his hair back with his fingers. “The behemoth isn't here. We can be as loud as we want.” He continued while walking towards the room.

Before they entered the room Calum grabbed Michael’s wrist. Mikey patiently waited for the other man to say something.

“I-if you wanted me to leave. I can.” Calum whispered.

The red head sighed. “I don’t want you to leave, doofus. I just— Cal, I don’t mind you running to me. You can. Anytime. I just want to know what going on in that head of yours.” Michael said with conviction while poking Calum’s forehead. “You remember that always okay? Anytime, Cal.”

Calum nodded. He let go of the older man’s wrist and intertwined their hands instead. Michael squeezed his hand and pulled him.

“Come on, let’s go cuddle.” Michael said leading the way.

\-----------

Ashton woke up with a start. He definitely did not sleep well last night. He rubbed his eyes and slow sat up. He figured Luke slept in Michael and Calum's room last night but when he looked at the bed next to him the blond man was sleeping peacefully. He wonders though how the bassist reacted when he walked inside the room to find his best friend and his first love missing. The drummer knew he fucked up royally with how things went last night. He just wanted to somehow make the younger man feel better, but of course, it didn't go through as planned. Really, he royally fcked up and hopes he can fix it.

He brushed his hair back with his fingers and lifted the blankets off. He rested his feet on the carpeted floor and watched the other man sleeping. He couldn’t help but wonder how the youngest in the band could be sleeping so well when everything was so fucked up. After a few minutes, he gets up and goes to the closet to pull his luggage out. While he was sifting through his things his phone started to ring. He drops the clothes he had already grabbed and checked his phone. He sat on his bed and answered Michael’s Facetime call. When the facetime finally connected he sees that the red haired boy is lying down on his bed wrapped in the duvet.

“Hey.” Michael greeted sleepily.

“Morning Michael.”

“Morning.” Michael yawned. “Just wanted to say sorry I sent Luke there last night.” Michael said yawning again. “Calum came in before Luke and he was upset because of him. So, I texted him to sleep in your rooms.”

Michael shifted and Ashton saw a tuff of raven hair peek through the blanket.

“Yeah, I noticed my roommate was blond instead. It’s alright mate.” Ash reassured, hoping Mikey would shift again. He wanted to see how Calum was fairing. “I’m going to go get ready, so I can catch breakfast. See you there?”

“I don’t know, let me ask Cal.” He said lifting the blanket showing the younger man cuddled up to his chest. “He might just want to stay in and cuddle before we have to leave.” Michael said fondly. “I’ll text you or if you don’t see us then there’s your answer.” The red head laughed.

Ashton smiled. Michael was in a good mood. Ashton’s pretty sure though that the lead guitarist wouldn’t be as amiable with him as he is now if or when he finds out how he fcked with his best friend’s mind last night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks!
> 
> Long time no update. I'm sorry this is so late. To be honest, I'm really not satisfied with this chapter. *sigh. 
> 
> I suck at replying here. I'm more of a tumblr gal. So, if you have questions about what's going on hit me up over there. CUPCAKEMASH is the name. But here is fine too. I'll try to reply. 
> 
> Again all mistakes are mine and i haven't proofread it. I just wanted to get it out. I'm sorry.  
> My job is a killer, BUT I found a new one. Hopefully they like me and keep me. The time fits my schedule better.  
> Wish me luck and good luck to you folks as well. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> 'Bold/Italics' - The voice in Calum's head  
> 'Italics' - Thoughts

It was an awkward several days. Calum wants to say that he forgave Ashton out of the goodness of his heart, but he doubts that was the real reason why he did. He’s not a fcking saint, and he’s not superhuman. He was lonely and Ash understood how he was feeling better than Michael could ever comprehend. He approached the older man first, because as mature as Ashton was, he would not be doing it.

He had stayed by Michael’s side for the first few days, but at some point he knew that the red head would not let him slide any longer. He talked to Ash about a few days before their departure and in those stilted few days they planned their little adventure.

It took them a bit of time to get over the awkwardness, but Ash and he have been planning to go on an adventure for ages. They muddled on and got it done. During their remaining days before break, he stayed quiet and let the lads do most of the interacting, but before their actual flight home he began to talk to the curly haired man as if nothing ever happened. They were going on a week road trip with the lads from Little Sea and a few other folks. He needed to get away and this was the perfect escape. He can't do that if he's having problems with Ashton too. He thinks Mikey might be upset with him for running away, but he’s hoping the older man will be getting over it soon enough.

Ashton has served up as a buffer for them these past last days leading to them coming home. Here he was going on an adventure with Ash, the lads from Little Sea, and mutual friends. He couldn't wait. He was so fcking excited. He needed to clear his head because Luke’s indecision was hurting him and he wants to say that the younger man would pick to be with him rather not, but he wasn’t sure. He hates thinking about it, because every time he thought about Luke he feels hollow. He feels this tug in his heart. It feels like someone has a hold on it and they’re trying to pull it out from his mouth. A sob wants to break out, but Calum always tries to keep it in. When he doesn’t stop the thoughts, he feels an unbearable squeezing in his chest and it’s FCKING painful. His eyes start prickling then tears begin to flow, and really— that’s when he’s fcked, because once he starts everything comes back. His palms start to sweat, he’s restless, and he feels his skin crawling. He wants to burst out of his skin and disappear because being Calum at that moment was too excruciating. When that happens stopping the tears from flowing seem impossible. It’s happened once, twice— dozens of times. There was no comforting him… Well, it’s more like he refuses to run to anyone for comfort. Why should he? It’s ridiculous. He’s not getting beaten. He didn’t want to cause problems. This situation was because he was stupid and weak. This was his fault. No one needed to get dragged into it.

When that happens and he couldn’t stop, Calum starts to hit himself. He starts to punch walls and kick things around. He slaps himself silly and sometimes he balls his fists and gives himself a punch. The best he can give, because he really wants to give himself a reason to cry. He wants the pain he’s feeling to reflect physically, because there was no reason for him to be crying. Men don’t cry over that kind of pain. They’re not even suppose to cry in brawls, but Calum wasn’t… Calum wasn’t strong. He was weak and he tries to live up to what a man is suppose to be, but—

The blonde drives him crazy.

The band once said that they’ve never felt more right than when they were on stage and there was no other feeling like it— but to him there was. When Luke looks at him he feels elated. The attention the lead singer gives him (when he’s in the mood) makes Calum feel like he’s on top of the world. The adrenaline rush and excitement of what Luke brings out in him was ecstasy. There were so many feelings that over comes him when Luke gives him attention; he has no words to describe it. And he thinks that if he were to write a novel, a trilogy even, it still wouldn’t be enough to express how the other man makes him feel.

It was like an addiction. He’s trying to quit, but it’s always in the back of his mind. He knows how damaging it is— not only for him but also to everyone around him— yet, he couldn’t help but crave it and need it. He couldn’t help going back. He knows that if he can shake it off everything would get better. He knew it would take time, but progress takes time and it would all be for the greater good. He knows he just has to distance himself. Maybe this. Maybe that. There were a lot of things he could do. He knows that these thoughts that were pulling him under weren’t healthy. It was a sickness and he knows he needs help. but—

Easier said than done.

When they finally made it back to Sydney, he went straight home and binged on his mom’s spaghetti. He locked himself away for a couple of days and thought about what he was supposed to do. In the end he had no answers and he decided to do what he did best, he went along with the flow. He went on a trip with the lads sans Luke and Michael. He did his best to get away and let the next week’s new experience take over his mind. He let all his energy and thoughts get consumed by the now.

Of course, he didn’t know that a certain tall blonde would be flying up to come see him. He had no clue that when he got back from his mini vacation during their time off that he’d see the youngest Hemsworth sitting on his couch talking to his father. And when he first appeared, he wasn’t sure if he was ecstatic or scared. Everything felt a bit overwhelming. They were talking on the phone about it and the older man had mentioned many times about surprising him during his break from filming, but Calum had never taken him seriously. Yet, here he was. The older man was laughing with his dad, and complimenting his mum’s cooking. He's situated himself with Calum's parents easily.

He's never really seen himself as Miley Cyrus; he was more of a Beyoncé. He's mentioned it in a past interview his sure, so has the other lads. But here he was excited as fck to finally meet Miley’s ex-beau. He was a bit scared and worried. He knows the consequences. He knows that not only will his best mates question him, but the rest of the world. They’ll ask how the two knew each other and how did they meet. They’ll assume a lot of things and most of them would be spot on, but thinking about how he would have to stay silent and/or lie— it’s stressing him the fck out. Just the thought of it is giving him heart palpitations.

He guesses he might be over thinking everything, and he’s pretty sure he already knew how his three best mates would react. And of course, those three lads’ reactions were the most important. He’s not disregarding his parents or his sister, he was positive that they would accept him regardless. He thinks that if the other boys knew they’d throw a bit of a fit. Michael was protective; Ash has been observing all his movements lately and Luke was— well Luke. He doesn’t want to keep saying that about the younger man because he felt as if he was making excuses; however, this has been going on for as long as he can remember that he had no other way to describe it. Ash has been inviting him to go out to wherever trying to distract him and Calum knows that’s what the older man was trying to do. Everyone thinks he’s oblivious and he is. He won’t deny that, but not in every thing. He can see the wheels turning in Ashton’s head, the protectiveness in Mikey’s eyes, and the possessiveness in Luke’s demeanor. He’s happy. It’s proof that his boys love him. He welcomes it, but at the same time it feels like he was a burden to them.

He doesn’t want to touch the subject of the way Luke looks at him when the blonde sees him enraptured with his phone talking to Liam. The younger man doesn't know to whom it was he was talking to, but the knowledge of him spending all his attention on someone else. He thinks it annoys Luke just a bit. He wants to hope, but he doesn’t want to be hurt and be stuck. He knows that if he lets himself feel a bit of hope… He knows that he would spiral into that abyss he always feels like he’s in when he’s focused on the lead singer. This break was to try and make an effort to be normal, emphasize on try.

He’s going to do it and he’s glad Liam was here to distract him, but he didn’t want that to be the reason he spends time with the actor. He want’s to spend time getting to know him more. He wants Liam to cook for him because he's shit at it. Well, not complete shit at it. He does know how to cook eggs, ramen, as well as toast. And he remembers how to make his mum’s Alfredo Fettuccini— Calum digresses! What he means is. He wants to spend time with Liam just for the sole reason of being with the other Aussie. He doesn’t want to use him to get over his unrequited love. The actor deserved better than that. Liam has spent these past few months indulging him with late night phone calls and listening to him talk about his love of the bass. He remembers talking to the older man about a song idea for THREE FCKING HOURS! And it was fcking ridiculous how the youngest Hemsworth stayed on the phone and asked questions. He was curious and didn’t give any pretense of knowing what the Kiwi was talking about. The actor was genuinely curious about the craft that Calum immersed himself in. And it was that very moment the bassist felt his admiration for the blonde turn into caring for him. He sees the man as someone that will be in his life for decades to come and he doesn’t want to lose that, not to ease his pain he won’t.

He sits down next to the older man and sees that his dad had taken out a photo album to show the taller man. Calum stares at him and tries to take as much as he can. He knows that this visit will be fleeting. They were both busy people and he wants to cherish it. He’s greatly pleased that the blonde came to visit him on his day off. He watches Liam flip through the photos and sees the smile appear on his face.

“Look at you, you’ve always had those cheeks.” Liam says, smiling. He looks up from the album and stared at the raven-haired man. “You’re still adorable, not a lot has changed. You look even better now.” He continued fondly. 

Calum looks down at his hands embarrassed. He feels Liam’s eyes on him and turns redder. Instead the bassist looks at the album to distract himself from the intensity of the others’ stare.

“Stop.” He whispers.

The actor just chuckles and flips to the next page. They continue to look through pictures, and from time to time the older man asks him the significance or asks him to explain what was going on in a photo. His dad retreated to their dining table to read the day’s paper and his mum was making a pie on their island counter, but he feels them watching them. He opted to ignore them.

When they were done with the album Liam asks to see another one and she tells him to make himself feel at homeis. His mum tells the actor to grab one off the bookcase; however, before he could reach for one Calum runs ahead to prevent him. The bookcase bangs against the wall creating a loud noise that startles both his parents.

“CALUM THOMAS HOOD!” Joy says scandalized.

“Mum! You know what’s in those albums!” He protests.

“That doesn’t matter! That was rude!” Joy says. “And you gave me a scare, I’m not getting any younger you know.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was reflex.” Calum apologizes, guilt filling him. “Please, come on, mum! I don’t want him to see those!” The raven-haired man cries.

“You were a cute baby! And you’re even cuter now. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” His mum insisted.

“You have to say that you’re my mum!” Calum replies, embarrassed.

Liam watches the exchange, perplexed.

“Wait, why don’t you want me to see those?” The actor asked.

“No, reason!” Calum quickly answers. “Don’t you want to see our back yard? Or how about my room?” He continued.

“It’s because he’s naked in most of the pictures in there.” His dad answered for him.

Calum stares at his dad, his mouth agape.

 _‘The traitor.’_ He thought bitterly.

“That’s quite alright Cal, I’ve got more than a few when I was a toddler.” Liam says reassuringly. The older man pats him on the head and gives him a comforting smile.

Calum feels himself relax and can’t believe how nice the blonde was.

“Some of those weren’t from when he was a toddler. A few were from a couple years ago.” His dad once again replies.

“DAD!” The bassist screeches, horrified.

Calum feels his face heat up.

 _‘Great. Now he probably thinks I’m a weirdo with exhibitionist tendencies.’_  Calum thought annoyed.

**_‘You’re more than weird. You’re a freak, showing your body for all to see. You’re mighty confident aren’t you Calpal.’ His demon says condescendingly. ‘You’re a very vain little boy aren’t you? You have nothing to show. Or are you trying to show people your fat?’_ **

Calum freezes. He feels as if he’s rooted to the floor and chains took hold of his body.

_‘No. Stop. Stop. Shut up! Shut up! Don’t do this! I’m not fat! I’m not! And even if I was, it’s okay.’_

**_‘Says who? You?”_ The voice questioned, cackling. _“You don’t think that. I am you after all, albeit the better version of you. I’m the only good part of you. I know every single little thing about you. I know you're thoughts and doubts. You’re nothing. You're just putting this face on for people. You're nothing but a useless fake.”_**

Calum can hear the smirk in his demon’s voice. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. After all, how can he defend against that when it spoke the truth?

Liam watches the younger man stiffen. He sees the raven-haired man bow his head and stay still. He didn’t like how shadows seem to take over the brightness the bassist exuded. Liam lifts Calum’s chin and calls his name until the younger man was looking at him in the eyes.

“Hey. Hey” Liam says softly. “If you’re not comfortable with me seeing those… I don’t have to see them okay?”

They both stand there frozen, while the actor let’s the bassist process everything he’s said.

Calum exhales in relief. He’s unsure of when he held his breath, but is grateful for the actor’s acquiescence. The actor watches as the younger man’s shoulders go lax, and his body unwind. Calum nods and mumbles his thanks. Liam smiles at him in response.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to okay?” Liam continues with tenderness in his voice. “You and I? Where ever this is going, it's all up to you. We’re going at your pace." The blonde ended with conviction. 

His dad turns to the next page of the newspaper he was reading and his mum was still busy making a pie for dinner. He knows they were watching what just happened. And he gets his confirmation when both his parents finally snicker, after holding it during Liam and his little exchange.

He scowls.

“Traitors, the both of you.” He mumbles, grabbing the older man by the wrist and dragging him to his room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not proofread this. I have to wake up in three hours for work, but wanted to write this before the writers block tackled me to the floor again. 
> 
> i'm sorry this chapter sucks :/
> 
>  
> 
> italics - Calum's thoughts  
> italics&bold - inner voice  
> *italics* - lyrics
> 
>  
> 
> It's one of those days. it's the-one-that-got-away's birthday. Happy Birthday N. I hope you are happy wherever you are. I only wish for the best and your happiness.

Liam and Calum had spent their whole day in doors. The raven-haired man was afraid people they knew, or knew them would catch them. He wasn’t quite sure if he was doing it for the older man’s benefit or his. All he knew was that even if they had been in doors for the whole day, he had fun. His parents had asked Mali if she would mind the actor sleeping in her room for a few days. His elder sister just squealed on the phone and screamed yes repeatedly.

They had talked and got to know each other for a bit until his parents asked them to go to their respective bedrooms for Liam’s duration of stay. Calum was a bit embarrassed that his parents were acting like so, but it was their house their rules. And he imagines that if he were in their shoes, he would be a bit miffed about his son “getting it on” with their partner. Not like they were going to do anything, of course, he and Liam weren’t like that. They were friends, close friends.

The first night of the older man’s stay, Calum had grabbed his guitar snuck out of his room and infiltrated Mali’s room only to lead him out to the backyard. They had sat down on the grass and stared at the dark sky. Calum strummed his guitar while Liam laid back.

“What are you going to play for me today, Casanova?” Liam asked playfully.

Calum blushed and watched his own fingers glide on the frets of his guitar.

“I’m just playing what comes to mind.” The raven-haired man said refusing to look

Calum played a few random notes, and before he knew it his left hand were sliding up and down the frets. While his right hand was strumming up and down the face of his guitar. Words had started to pour out of his mouth and everything just became clockwork.

 _*What doesn't kill you, makes you wish you were dead_  
_Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper*_

Calum sang the first couple of lines and once he started there was nothing holding him back. He had a connection to the song. It was a call for help and although he couldn’t directly voice it, he can damn well sing it. He had sand this song around Luke, Ashton, Michael, and Mali several times. He hoped that Liam was someone who finally read between the lines and got what was intended.

 _*And I can't take_  
_One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me_  
_And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up_

 _It comes in waves, I close my eyes_  
_Hold my breath and let it bury me_  
_I'm not okay, and it's not alright_  
_Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?_

 _Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?_  
_Save me from myself, don't let me drown_  
_Who will make me fine, drag me out alive?_  
_Save me from myself, don't let me drown_

 _What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead_  
_Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper_  
_And I can't take_  
_One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me_  
_And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up_

 _It comes in waves, I close my eyes_  
_Hold my breath and let it bury me_  
_I'm not okay, and it's not alright_  
_Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?_

 _Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?_  
_Save me from myself, don't let me drown_  
_Who will make me fine drag me out alive?_  
_Save me from myself, don't let me drown*_

Liam listened to Calum’s heart wrenching rendition of ‘Drown’ by Bring Me The Horizon and was amazed by the younger man’s raw talent. He can feel the emotion that the raven-haired man was trying to convey in every word. He’s known Calum for months and he knew a bit about the struggles he was going through, but had always let on that he was fine. When they talked, the bassist talked about his problems like how one would talk about the weather and Liam knew there was more. He surmises that music must be Calum’s true language.

 _*'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_  
_'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_  
_'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own_  
_('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own)_  
_(Who will fix me now?)_  
_(Who will fix me now?)_  
_Who will fix me now?_  
_Dive in when I'm down?_  
_Save me from myself, don't let me drown*_

Liam waited until silence met them and that’s when he leaned forward so his lips brushed Calum’s.

“You’re not alone. Whatever we are, whatever what we’ll be— I’ll be here for you.” The older man said with passion. “Do you believe me?” The blonde asked.

The actor watched the younger man bow his head, his curly fringe hiding his beautiful chocolate eyes. Liam wanted to see the beautiful orbs to gauge his reaction, but Calum refused to meet his eyes. The blonde reached over to touch Calum’s cheek then he raised Calum’s head, so the bassist’s eyes met his. He then placed his hand on Calum’s cheek and his thumb gently caressed the shorter man’s malleable cheek.

“Calum, look at me.” Liam gently demanded. When he had the younger man’s attention. He combed his fingers through Calum’s hair and made sure that the luscious curls did not block his view of the raven’s eyes. The actor had to make sure that they had eye contact before continuing.

“Cal, you believe me right?” Liam asked. “I’m not here to get something in return.” The blonde added with conviction. “I came here to take a chance. I took a risk because I thought that whatever this is between you and me? I thought that it could be something great.” The actor said with a fond look and a smile. “I came here with hope and a lot of expectations, but none that I will burden you with. I’m here for you. Whatever you want to do, whatever you need. I will cater to your needs.”

Calum was speechless, not that he was usually talkative. Well… he was, but it depends! He was a man of words, usually eloquent, he had quotes from books he had read, and although his delivery of knowledge was sometimes lacking there were no doubts that he was well read. Yet, for this very situation he was blank and it dawned on him that maybe this man in front of him was burrowing deeper into his heart and he didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

The bassist doesn’t remember what happened, but when his mind finally grasped on. They were back inside and Liam was on top of him on his bed. He doesn’t know how it happened. He remembers losing himself in Liam’s stunning blue eyes. He lost recollection after that next thing he knew they were in his room, on his bed, and in this position.

Calum stared up at the man on top of him. Liam really did have beautiful eyes. He guesses he must love pain, because in that moment the thought of how the actor’s eyes were reminiscent of Luke’s crossed his mind. The raven-haired man felt guilt swell up in his belly only to rise up and choke him.

**_“Well aren’t we full of our self today?” The voice said._**

It had come so suddenly and out of nowhere, it surprised him.

**_“Look at you. Don’t you know how lucky you are Calpal?” It asked sarcastically. “You have so many people falling for your sad puppy act, but they don’t know.” “Oooh, maybe we should tell tall, blonde, and handsome your secret.” The voice continued gleefully. “What do you think?” It asked him._ **

_“No. Shut up. Shut up.” He replied angrily._ ****

**_“Oh, defensive are we?” It asked inquisitively. “Huh, I can understand why.” The voice concluded._**

**_“What I don’t understand Tommy is, why are you acting as if you have another option? Thinking about Luke at a time like this. Tsk. Tsk. He’ll never notice you like how you want him to you know. Here and now you have an actual human being interested— I don’t know why, but he is and you’re acting like you can do better. Hahaha.” The voice laughed hysterically. “You? You hit jackpot with this one and you’re hoping for something else. When you don’t deserve shit!” The voice spat angrily. “You’re filth. You’re nothing. You should just be alone forever and die.”_**

He tried to push the older man away, but in doing so he did not notice that he had started to become desperate and was starting to hurt himself. He tried and tried to get away, but Liam didn’t let him. The older man grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand. He then placed his free hand on Calum’s abdomen to cease the younger man’s frenzied thrashing.  

“Liam, let go!” Calum cried.

The raven haired man had yet to realize that tears had started to flow from his eyes. He was still trying desperately to get away and Liam for a moment thought that maybe it would be best if he did let go; however, as soon as he did— Calum had started to hit his head with his fists repeatedly. Liam had no choice but to take up his previous position of holding the younger man down.

“Calum. Calum.” Liam tried frantically. “You’re going to seriously hurt yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.” Liam pleaded, worried. “Please, please, I’m not trying to hurt you.” The older man continued desperately.

Liam held on. He was unsure of how long it took for the younger man to stop and get tired, but he did— eventually.

Calum sniffed and hiccupped, as his sobs died down. He was so ashamed and embarrassed.

“Liam.” Calum croaked trying to get the older man’s attention.

“Calum.” Liam answered teasingly. He lifted himself off the older man his powerful arms supporting him in a position just above the younger man.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Cal. I told you. Nothing you do will push me away. Specially this.” Liam said with sincerity.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Calum asked no one in particular.

“I can one hundred percent guarantee that it was the smil—” Liam tried to say; however, before the actor could finish the sentence, the bassist reached up to caress the older man's cheek. Calum doesn’t know what possessed him do it but he craned his neck and connected their lips. The actor instantly kissed back. Liam gently bit his bottom lip and the younger man gasped. The actor took advantage of it and delved his tongue inside the other's mouth. The youngest Hemsworth held him tenderly, but kissed him with intense passion.

When things had started to advance further Calum put a stop to it. He didn’t want the potential they had to just be a moment. If they were to happen he wanted it to be later on in the future. He wanted to be in a relationship when he was stable and no longer problematic, like how every one seems to dub him. The relationship he’s dreaming of might not be with Liam— and it might not be with Luke, but when he does take part in one in the future, he wants it to be natural. He doesn’t want a relationship borne by lust or a tumble in the sheets, he wants one due to mutual respect, requited passion, and understanding of each others flaws.

“We can’t, Yam.” The raven haired man said softly. “I’m still in love with someone else. It’ll be like I was using you.”

“Then use me, do whatever you want.” The older man said desperately. “I just— I need you to be okay.”

“I will be. I won’t need sex or for you to sacrifice a piece of yourself to make me feel better.” Calum replied softly. The raven-haired man carded his fingers through the actor’s hair and reveled on how soft it was. The action calmed him down. “I don’t want our relationship to be sullied like that, if— if you and I were to commit to something more I want it to just happen and that later on neither you and I will resent each other.”

Calum placed his hand on the older man’s cheek and caressed it. He giggled due to the feeling.

“I like your beard. It tickles when I touch your face.” The bassist commented with a smile.

The blonde let the younger man cradle his cheek and do as he pleased. He closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of being in Calum’s hold.

“I’ll make sure not to shave unless it’s absolutely necessary then.” Liam replied.

“Sap.” Calum remarked teasingly.

Liam opened his eyes and stared at the man under him. He turned his face and kissed the younger man’s palm.

“Anything for you, Hood.” He said softly.

He deposited his full weight on the bassist and buried his head in the junction of the shorter man’s neck. He embraced the raven and tried his best to express in action how loved he was, but if Calum didn’t see it tonight, Liam promised himself that he would do anything until he did.

“You’re heavy, Hemsworth.” Calum stated without any heat.

“It’s all muscle.” The blonde answered.

Calum scoffed. He then wrapped his arms around the taller man and held on for dear life. He may not be confident enough to voice what was ailing him, but he had someone here with him who understood that what he needed was time and was willing to wait for as long as it takes.

He’s going to be alright. He knows. He hopes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not edited.   
> Work has been hectic and this chapter probably sucks.   
> I apologize. 
> 
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> I'm semi-excited for Halloween. I have to dress up for work. It was a great idea, but I'm not satisfied with the costume. I had to settle. 
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> : TEXT  
>  : THOUGHTS

While Liam was over they had spent time in his home, his backyard, or driving kilometers away from his house to venture around. The actor had left early this morning and overall this was one of the best weeks of Calum’s life. They hadn’t kissed after that debacle in his bedroom, but they had held hands and cuddled during Liam’s visit. They had stayed awake all night filled with thoughts of how the other had become an important aspect in their lives. They had both been cautious around each other the next day— scared they would do something to scare the other off; however, they both figured that the visit was too short to tiptoe around each other for the rest of their time together. They talked and straightened everything out. Calum loved how they were able to communicate with each other.

He had answered a few phone calls during the older man’s stay. He had asked Liam to keep his phone and instructed the actor to only give it to him, if it was the label calling. It was a step toward getting better that only helped slightly, but it helped nonetheless. He had feared the little improvement he had made the past couple of day would surely be forgotten as soon as the older man left his side. He had felt it in the pit of his stomach— the dependency growing and he knew for sure he didn’t like it, but he didn’t hate it either. He didn’t want it to be like how it was with Luke.

 _‘Jees. I miss Luke. I miss him so much.’_ He thought forlornly.

He had forgotten it during the week; however, it always managed to pop up. He’d had dreams about his fellow bandmate a few times these past several days and during those times he had woken up sweating and in tears. Liam was always there to hold him and Calum was beyond grateful that the older man never pried about his dreams. Liam had left early this morning and they had both stayed up to wait until he had to go. They both wanted to spend as much time with each other as they could. They both thought that sleep could wait and they knew it was a silly notion due to their hectic schedules, but being who they were— they were unsure when they would be able to meet up again.

He was tired and the chaotic thoughts of missing Luke were not helping. He was unsure why he felt as if he was cheating on his band member, but he can feel the guilt starting to suffocate him. He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all and he just wanted to blame it on the lack of sleep, but it’s nagging constantly at the back of his mind. There were indications of a possibility of he and Luke, but the younger man did not seem to want to grasp it or was avoiding to do so. He didn’t know why he felt like he this way. It was confusing to Calum.

After a few days of not checking his phone, he finally dug it out of his night stand. He changed the ringer setting from silent mode to loud, and sees what he’s missed the past few days. He has a few messages from the lads from his mini vacation. He got a lot from Ashton, Mali, and Michael as well—the latter mostly sent one word messages containing swear words when he didn’t reply the first few hours. He received a few from his other friends and there was a text from Luke just this morning.

 **‘Hey. Party?’** It said.

He wanted to laugh and he did, because it was so fcking ridiculous that his heart flipped due to a two-word text from the blonde man. He was elated. He was excited at the prospect of being thought of and didn’t realize that he had already sent out a reply. He had definitely disregarded that it was a friend’s birthday. Well, not disregarded, but that thought was definitely not in the forefront of his mind. What he focused on was that the gaping whole that Luke leaves when he was not around would be filled again. He knew that when he was around the singer he would be able to think clearer. It was puzzling to him because Luke brought clarity and insanity at the same time. He was grateful that the blonde wanted to drink, because he was really going to need it.

And for the next few days that’s how it went. He went out and drowned himself in alcohol. He had gone out with Luke and their other friends. They had been going out with the lads from Little Sea, Damon, and Josh. It was in one of their night-outs when shit finally hit the fan— that sounds gross. It was in one of their night-outs that he and Luke were finally forced to face the situation they have been trying very hard to avoid.

They had been drunk out of their minds and they crashed at Josh’s place for the night. They had needed to share a cot together, and it ended like it always did when they were in a bed together. They had snuggled close to each other and cuddled the whole night. When morning came Calum opened his eyes and was met with Luke’s naked chest. He had stayed still. He would have savored the moment, but he chose to panic instead. He hoped that Luke wasn’t able to hear his frantically beating heart. He felt as if in any given moment his heart would jump out of his chest. He had always wanted to be in that position. He had tried to imagine plenty of times how it would feel to be in the taller man’s arms. Okay, well he has been in Luke’s arms, but this was different. Luke knew how he felt. Luke had spent weeks ignoring him and Calum had spent week avoiding the blonde.

He waited until sht would hit the fan, but it didn’t happen, Luke remained asleep. Calum worried him self silly for several minutes, but nothing happened. He let himself relax and after a few minutes he felt himself drifting off. He laid his head on the younger man’s chest and tried his best to be comfortable. He didn’t have to try hard at all, because as soon as his head was situated on Luke’s chest, and his arm wrapped around the blonde’s waist— he checked out.

Calum didn’t wake up till a few hours later. He had forgotten where he was and who he was with. All he knew was that he was comfortable. And he guesses that his body was so attuned to the younger man’s that it set his comfort level to maximum. He had woken up and just stretched. When he was done he had just tried to bury his head further into Luke’s chest. He had not realized what he was actually doing, too sleepy and relaxed, until he heard a chuckle. It had made him freeze and tense. He felt the hand that was formerly around his waist stroke his arm and down in comfort.

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s me.”

That was when everything came back and he remembered where he really was and on whose chest he was laying on. The raven-haired man knew that his band mate meant well by saying those words, but they didn’t do anything to help. They made him tense up even more instead. Luke feeling Calum tense pulled the other man as close as possible to him and gave his waist a squeeze. When that didn’t help the lead singer pulled away from the older man and stared at his bowed head. He waited for the older man to look up at him, but Calum refused.

“Calum.” He called, but the raven didn’t respond. “Calum.” Luke tried again, but only got the same result. “Come on, look at me.” The blonde requested, but the bassist just shook his head in dissent. “Calum, look at me.” Luke commanded, whilst lifting the older man’s chin. The blonde had not wanted to do it, but the bassist was hiding again. He could no longer just lie there and wait. He did that for almost two weeks. He knew the first week was a trip with Ash and the other lads, but what about the days after that? He had waited for the raven-haired man to contact him, but Calum didn’t. The bassist was missing-in-action for a few days and no one knew what was going on. When he had finally given in and called Calum’s home, his mum had said that he was out, but he heard Calum in the background. He heard someone else’s voice too.

He looks at the older man in the eyes and he gets lost in them. Everyone thinks those two beautiful orbs were just brown, but his pretty sure with how close they were right now that they were so much more. They were incandescent and expressive. They were beautiful. Luke’s eyes stray from Calum’s eyes and explores his face. The older man’s cheeks were flushed. Luke smiles. He loved it when Calum blushed. The bassist reddens so easily and the blonde enjoyed being the cause of it. Calum had these freckles that were unseen unless you were close enough and were intentionally looking for them. They were hidden to those who didn’t care to study the older man.

Luke hears Calum’s breathing coming at a faster pace and he’s unsure why. They’ve been friends for years. They used to wait for each other in front of the school. They spent copious amounts of time together. Calum has this wall up and Luke is allowed and he’s proud of that. It’s true that he and Calum are similar with how laid back they were both, but Calum had this wall up. He chooses to put all his thought and emotion on their record, and they are similar in not being able to talk about personal sht easily, but when it comes to himself— he just needs time. Calum is different. Calum was a mystery he loved unravelling.

Luke caressed the chubby cheeks. It really still does amaze him how malleable the older man’s cheeks were. He refutes it every time, but he does understand why his older brothers make fun of him and his fascination of Calum’s cheeks. A thought of having a daughter or son with these cheeks had crossed his mind several times— and most of those times he refuses to admit, he had entertained the thought. And he doesn’t want to get started about how soft the Kiwi’s skin truly was. He has moments where he feels entitled, because he reads posts about people being jealous of Calum’s skin, and he gets to touch it. He’s allowed.

Unknowingly, the blonde had started to move his head closer the the bassist. When they were but a few inches away, Luke took the plunge and connected his own to Calum’s soft and plump lips. He felt the older man tense and sees Calum’s wide eyes. He starts to pull away, but the raven-haired man’s arms encircle his neck and pulls him back. Luke observed Calum shut his eyes and appreciated how his lashes were long enough to sweep the top of his cheeks. Luke copies the older man and closed his eyes. He savored the moment and relaxed into the kiss. He feels Calum sigh into the kiss, like it had been a long awaiting, momentous thing that he had been waiting for. To the blonde that sigh felt like relief— a release of pent up doubt and hopelessness. He disconnected his lips from Calum only to plant several more. He was addicted and didn’t know if he could stop.

Calum had this unique taste to him that Luke could not get enough of. They had just been exchanging quick kisses, nothing further. They didn’t want to cross a line they count not get back from. He doesn’t know how long they had spend kissing and if you ask him he doesn’t really care. All he knows is that he wants to stay on this bed for as long as they could.

“You never told me where you were after your trip. Where were you the past couple of days?” Luke inquired.

Calum remained silent. 

Luke waited for the older man to reply; however, it did not seem as if Calum would be answering anytime soon. 

Instead of answering the question the older man turned his back on the blonde and moved out of reach. Luke looked at Calum perplexed. 

 _'What the fck.'_ The lead singer thought annoyed. _'What isn't he telling me.'_

He pulls the bassist back by his waist so they were back to chest, spooning. He gets distracted by the feeling of having the older man in his arms. He wants to admit that he likes the feeling of the raven-haired man in his arms like this, but if he admitted that he doesn't know what else would come out. 

“Calum.” He called to the older, but to no avail.

Luke admires the bassist’s back. He had a great back— all tan and unmarred. It looked smooth and muscled. He admires Calum’s neck and thoughts of marking it crosses his mind. The singer wasn’t prepared for how strong the urge to possess Calum was. He felt it a necessity to do so and he didn’t question it. He peppered kisses all over the mans nape and placed open mouthed kisses on the other man’s neck and sucked under his chin. He made sure that he left marks all over the man’s neck, some darker than the others. He had spent extra time on places he discovered were sensitive and pleasurable to Calum. He had never thought that hearing a man make the noise Calum had been making could be so hot, but they were and he doesn’t remember being so turned on as he is right now.

He disentangles himself from the bassist and lifts his body. He lets his left arm take all his weight while he man handles Calum to lie flat on the bed and they were facing each other. He looks at the older man’s face for any indication of doubt, but Calum just looks up at him in curiosity. He watches those chocolate eyes travel all over his face and then finally land on his lips. He has watched previous interviews of them and he’s seen this exact instance happen. He’s noticed Calum’s enthrallment with his lips. He understands.

Luke leaned down until he was an inch away.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” He whispered, keeping eyes contact.

He watched Calum close his eyes and pressed his lips to Calum’s tenderly. Luke used his free hand to stroke down the bassist’s arm. He tried to intertwine their hands, but was hindered by Calum’s strong grip onto the duvet underneath them. He caressed the hand to relaxation and when it did he interlocked them. The blonde tilted his head to the side and parted the other man’s lips with his own. He felt his heart beat faster and swore that the blood pumping in his veins could be heard. He felt Calum’s free hand rest on his head. A gasp escapes from him when he feels the Kiwi give the hair on his nape a sharp pull. Luke felt Calum’s tongue shyly delve into his mouth and the blonde did not hesitate to reciprocate. They battled for dominance, but in the end Calum had let Luke take it.

“Yooooo!” Josh screamed barging in. “Wak—“ He tried to say, but was surprised by what he had just walked in on. “Oh. Sht. Wow.”

Luke had really should have seen it. He and Calum should have, but they were distracted. They’ve known Josh for years and they know how he was. Sht. Even if they didn’t, they should have known better. They were in somebody else’s house. They had just been caught in bed together and that’s not surprising for most that knew them; however, they were caught in bed together with Luke’s tongue down Calum’s throat.


End file.
